Top Ten Fictional Characters I'm Desperately Hoping to Go on a Date With

Since I had so many incredible bloggy friends volunteer to Save Jumble Mash, the guest week is going to keep on going this week. And I was sitting here trying to think of an awesome way to introduce Ms. Nicki to you guys, but I think if you read this post you'll know the exact reason why I love her. Please enjoy...I know I did :)

HELLOOOOOOOO JUMBLE MASHERS!


I'm Nicki. I run the Loaded Handbag. I like potatoes, zombie movies, tequila, and you.

There. I'm glad we've met.

I knew exactly what I wanted to write for the Save Jumble Mash Guest Week.

I adore Jumble Mash because this blog is not afraid to let its geek flag fly.

I, too, wanted to let my geek flag fly.

See, the great thing about being a geek girl is that you don't need to fantasize about real men. Real men suck. They really do. They don't have chiseled animated cheekbones or superpowers. And they can't break out into a spontaneous song when the mood strikes them. And talking sea creatures or kitchenware can't join them in four-part harmony and dazzling dance sequences. So really? Real men? Kind of a let-down.

I've always been totally happy in my dating life because I sympathize with real men. They can't fight henchmen or rescue me from a thirty-foot burning building. They don't come with sound effects or catchy theme songs. They can't even pull off spandex.

So I sympathize. And I settle. So none of my boyfriends have been able to rock the masked-caped-crusader look. So none of them have talking animal sidekicks. It's okay. They're only human.

But that doesn't mean a girl can't dream, right?

And I do dream. Oh, LORD, do I dream.

So here, without further ado, are the Top Ten Fictional Characters I'm Desperately Hoping to Go on a Date With.

Just don't tell my boyfriend.


10.) MacGyver.

Quit your judging. He's old, you say. His dates always end up in mortal peril that involve diabolical schemes or explosions.

Ladies. LADIES. Come to your senses. MacGyver is the single greatest date a girl could have. Especially as a wedding date. Your shoe breaks? He'll combine three hors d'oeuvres to form an organic superglue. Your dress rips? He'll use dental floss to weave a brand new dress, dye it with bar garnishes, and then he'll make spanx out of saran wrap and toothpicks so you look three sizes smaller.


9.) The Ewok Commune from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

No, not like that kind of date. Gross. I just want the entire village to cook me a rustic meal, braid my hair, and then play an integral role in taking down an evil galactic empire. It's like a rustic bed and breakfast/spa run by teddy bears. What's not to love?

8.) Johnny Storm (the Human Torch) from the Fantastic Four.

Again, not THAT kind of date. I'd leave with an intense burning sensation, and I'm not talking about the kind that happens when his body bursts into spontaneous flames while he's giving me a goodnight kiss. I just want to sit together on a flame-resistant faux bear rug and roast marshmallows off of his body. Is that so wrong, internet? IS THAT SO WRONG?

7.) Sean Connery as Professor Jones from Indian Jones and the Last Crusade.

No, this isn't a Bond fetish manifesting many years later.

Okay, maybe it is.

But I really just want to sit down over dinner and have him tell me embarrassing Indiana Jones stories. Like how he used to scream at the sight of earthworms or the time he fell asleep on the toilet.

6.) Stitch from Lilo and Stitch.

I mean, Lilo's totally invited too. I want to build miniature cities and destroy them and then practice our Elvis impressions together. Oh, and I want to gloat to my friends that I went on a date with a six-armed alien. Those Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome stories aren't going to cut it anymore, ladies.

5.) Cyclops from X-Men.

I don't know. I know all X-men girls seem to be Wolverine fans. Every now and then you get the odd Iceman or Nightcrawler fan. Cyclops has ALWAYS been my dream man, even before he was played by James Marsden (HOT HOT HOT) in the X-men movies. I don't know how we'd handle the whole must-wear-sunglasses thing. Superglue his shades to his head or play Corey Hart's "I Wear My Sunglasses At Night" nonstop, I imagine.


4.) Jean Grey (Phoenix) from X-men.

I was a fan of Jean Grey ever since she was Marvel Girl. Let's be clear: not only is she incredibly hot, she's also incredibly talented. I don't just want to date her. I want to marry her. Partly because I'm lazy, and it would be awesomely useful to have her pass me the remote or a beer with her mind.

3.) Kaylee from Firefly.

Because a.) she's a-freaking-dorable, b.) she's got the greatest dialect imaginable, and c.) I feel like she could walk around my house and randomly fix everything that's broken.

2.) Robin Hood, Disney version.

He can sing. He can swordfight. He's great with kids. He can shoot a bow and arrow with the best of them and he robs from the rich to give to the poor. Oh yeah, and he's a fox with a pseudo-British accent. WIN.

1.) Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show.

I just want them to sit and heckle our entire date.

It would be an honor. An honor.