Wednesday, April 13, 2011

That's a good way to phrase it

Sunshine over at Awesome Title Here (which, to me, is a purty awesome blog title) says she is a lurker here at Jumble Mash which made me sad when I started reading her blog because DAMN! I wish I would have found it earlier. She is one funny lady. Please enjoy her top ten list and then go check her out!

First, I’d like to take a moment to thank Ms. Jumble Mash for allowing me to impose myself on her blog… she says I’m doing her the favor, but I think the opposite is true. I am honored to be on the same page as such an awesome pink turtle. ::swoon:: Okay, seriously. Much thanks to you, JM, and also to the JMers who are reading.

My guest post for Jumble Mash is going to be a top ten list (or, however many I can come up with) on those cliché phrases that we all seem to know and use, but don’t really make sense.

Top Ten Most Stupid Phrases that Still Exist Today

(in no particular order)

*A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned

-I’m pretty sure that I can pick up a penny on the street and not have earned it, unless you count bending over to reach it. Wait a minute, not so fast, mister! This leads me into the next one on the list…

*See a penny, pick it up, then all day you'll have good luck

-This is ridiculously untrue. That would be like saying you know you’re going to have a good day when Corey and Topanga get back together on TV in the morning before you leave for work… What, no one else thinks that but me?

*A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

-I do not want a bird in my hand. I am not going to ‘the Bush’ to get a bird. In fact, I am terrified of birds, so even typing out the word ‘bird’ is giving me anxiety. There are so many B-words in this bullet that my anxiety is now through the roof.

*Three sheets to the wind

-Okay, this would make sense if we were talking about sailing, but why, oh why, do people use this phrase when someone is piss drunk? Let’s get a little crazy, shall we? Let’s change this phrase to “Oh man, that guy was so totally ‘rocket ship to the moon and back’. No? Oh, right, because it doesn’t make sense, either.

*Put your money where your mouth is

-I understand the idea behind it, but I do NOT want to put money in my mouth, or anywhere near it, really. That’s disgusting.

*It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game

-On the contrary! It really is about how you play the game: if you play it right, you win; if you play it wrong, you lose. Plain and simple.

*You can’t have your cake and eat it, too

-Yes I can! I feel that ‘having’ and ‘eating’ cake is the same thing, therefore, yes, I can have my cake and eat it, too. Don’t tell me I can’t. I love cake. Preferably some kind of vanilla cake with butter cream or cream-puff cream. Yum.

*Make your bed and then lie in it

-Really, this is just ass-backwards. (Sorry JM, I don’t know how you’ll feel about cursing, so I’ve tried to keep it pretty clean.) When I make my bed, I usually leave the house! I sure as hell don’t get into it once I’ve made it; that would be a supreme case of wasted effort. (I rarely make my bed, regardless; I don’t see the point if I’m going to get back into it later on.) Again, I know the concept behind the phrase, but where’s the effort? Where is the creativity!?

*The apple of my eye

-There should be a list of people who are allowed to use this expression: William Tell, Johnny Appleseed, Buddy Valastro from Carlo’s Bakery, and someone who works for Fruit of the Loom. Anyone else should be banned for using any and all fruit references to describe a person or thing that they enjoy.

I'm sure Jumble Mash has excellent readers, and you guys have idioms/cliches/phrases that bother the hell out of you, too. Share them, if you please, and thanks for letting me be your guest!

Note from Tress: Jumble Mash is not a curse free zone. Feel free to use colorful language :)


Danger Boy said...

Great post! I'm keeping rocket ship to the moon and back, though. We can mainstream that thing.

Meg O. said...

Yeah, you pretty much summed up how I feel about those sayings. LOL. Love it!

becca said...

great post and the scary thing is i still say most of those phrases

Oilfield Trash said...

Great post!!!


funny post...and i cofess i say some of them too lol

steph c said...

Heh I totally love your "It's how you play the game" explanation. Totally agreed.

Although.. I have to admit that I say the "find a penny pick it up" one to myself all the time. And I only pick up pennies that are heads up. Tails up is unlucky, and yes, I bend down, check it out, and keep on moving.

I hate the "don't step on the crack or you'll break your mother's back!" quote. I guess that's not a saying, per se, but it's still dumb.

Sunshine said...

Thank you for letting me post my insanity in a place other than my little bubble! Seriously, I adore you :) Thanks a bazillion.

Nicki said...

This was a great list. I do love "three sheets to the wind" because I like imagining a drunk woman in a three-sheet toga. Or a drunk woman throwing three sheets of paper to the wind.

I'm a very visual person.

You know what phrase I hate? Keep your eyes peeled. I picture someone peeling an eyeball with a potato peeler.

You're welcome.

Jess said...

Hilarious. Consider yourself followed :)

On My Soapbox said...

Until you mentioned it, I never really thought about the fruit and eye thing. Hmmm....

hed said...

Oh my God, these were outstanding!


Anonymous said...

LOL that is cute.