Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Feeling a little guilty

I'm impatient and grew tired of waiting for Wee Bits. And I have a story to share with you Mashers.

At my job, I have the wonderful responsibility of answering the telephone. We don't get a whole lot of calls and about 65% of them are wrong numbers.

Not me, but my house phone looks exactly like that
When I first started working here, it was just annoying. Then, some of my co-workers talked me into messing with the people that called in. So I did and I started having fun with it.

Where I work there is a square of buildings. A doctor's office, a real estate office, a restaurant, and us. All of the phone numbers are only a couple digits different from the others. Often, I get calls like this...

"Hi, I'm John Smith and I was calling for the results of my colonoscopy."

I swear to you that I do not mess with the patients. I do have some respect. I used to cut them off before they told me their entire medical histories, but now I just listen until they are done and then say, "Sorry, you have the wrong number."

But when I get calls like, "I'd like to place an order to go." I take their orders, tell them a fake price and wish them a happy day. Mean? Yeah, I know. But seriously, I answer the phone by saying the company name. And I've learned to enunciate and speak loudly. They still don't get it. And sadly, a lot of them are repeat offenders.

I also get calls like, "Hi, I am calling about the condo you have advertised. I was wondering when I could come look at it."

I then get out my fake planner.

Me: Let's see, I have an opening on the 12th at 11:00.

Them: Oh the 12th isn't good for us, how about the day after?

Me: Let's see, I am free between 1:00 and 1:10 that day.

Them: Won't it take longer to view the house?

Me: Not if we walk fast.

Them: Ok, I guess that will do.

The funny thing is, no one has ever called me asking why I gave people wrong information and what not. All they would have to do is ask the customer where they called in the first place. I mean, I'd lie my butt off and say I have no clue what they are talking about, but still.

Anyways, why am I just now feeling guilty? I got a caller today that was a little out of the norm.

Me: Blah Blah Coal Company, how can I help you?

Her: Yes, I need a cab from the Detriot Airport.

Me: You need what?

Her: A cab.

Me: A taxi cab?

Her: *Sighs* Yes.

Me: Ok, where do you need dropped off?

Her: {I have no clue what area she said, because well, I know nothing about Detriot.}

Me: I'll send a driver over right away.

I work for a COAL company. In West Virginia.

Yeah...that was about two hours ago. I wonder if she is still waiting?

P.S.  Seriously...I'm not a mean person. I get bored and I'm easily amused.

33 comments:

Shannon said...

LMAO- this was absolutely hilarious!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Now that is what I call fun at the workplace! Don't feel guilty. It's a hoot. Hugs.

DW said...

I love it! It reminds me of when I was in college. People would call us (me and my roommate) all the time, thinking it was a dental office. I finally got sick of it and started setting appointments. The calls eventually stopped. :-)

Fortunes Fool said...

OMG! I do that at my job too! Sometimes people call and ask me the phone number of somewhere else & I promptly reply "Hang on let me get my PHONEBOOK and look it up for you! and then usually "lose the connection". Come on! Look it up your damns elf. This isn't the effin operator!

becca said...

LMAO to funny and now i don't feel so bad answering my house phone "city morgue you stab them we slab them" when telemarketers call

The Tame One said...

BAHAHAHAAHA - Now I want to come work with you.

Danger Boy said...

We get some of those from time to time. The fun for us though...we get telemarketers that want to talk to the boss. He's deaf. When I tell them that, they say they'll call him back later. /facepalm.

Corey said...

hahaha! my favorite one is, "Thank you for calling friends with benefits! Press one for a booty call!"

but seriously, i was rofling on this post :) way to go! :)

AmberLaShell said...

don't feel bad, it probably one took her like 45 minutes tops before she called the actual place..

amberlashell.com

Jess said...

Hilarious! Don't feel bad, I would do it too.
Jess

lyndylou said...

that sounds like great fun! Some people are so dim!

Happy Wife said...

Um... I think the fact that you feel a little guilty is a good thing. And it is awesome that you don't mess with those who have just been violated by the joys of a colonoscopy! :) I must be way too serious - and I consider myself very capable of being mean - but I would not be able to do this. I would think for sure that person in Detroit was coming from or going to a funeral. The food order was for someone on chemo who can only stand to even think about that one item from that one place. The house hunter's moving out because the spouse cheated and now s/he is missing work to find a new place... Yeah. I. Wow. I think I need therapy.

LottieSpartacus said...

Oh My God! What is wrong with some people? I guess they just don't listen when you answer! But you are a freaking genius! I wonder if she's still waiting for her taxi? Hahahahahahaha

P.S. I voted for you for a blog award!!!

www.lottiespartacus.blogspot.com

Thisisme said...

That sounds a real hoot, and, hey, it makes for a better day in the workplace!!

Brittany said...

Bahahaha....

Thats terrible!

Its funny now, but probably wouldnt be so funny if I was waiting at the airport with luggage and a toddler! Ha ha! Lets hope she doesnt have kids :) lmao!

Chief aka Dad http://unsoundreasoning.blogspot.com said...

I'm so relieved...when I saw the title of the post, I thought you had arranged to have me committed!!!

Jess said...

Oh that's hilarious. I would totally do that if I didn't work at a church.

twilightgazing said...

What a hoot! No reason to feel guilty, you HAVE to have fun at work, that's what makes it worth going every day.

Jumble Mash said...

Hmmm, I'm not sure if its a good thing that you all think my evilness is funny or not. But thats probably why you all are my friends!

I'm sure she called the right number eventually...I would hope so. Unless she was really stupid and is still there waiting. Hmm.

caterpillar said...

:D :D :D we used to make prank calls as kids....got to try it again some time....

Jackie said...

I am definitely one for messing with people. I could never do this though. It is funny at this end but if I were the person who called the wrong number I would be furious with you for not telling it is the wrong number. You have reminded me of the pranking and messing I do every summer and now that I think about it as long as your not the person it is hysterical!!!

Jewels said...

Evil-sure.
Hilarious-definately!

You have some twisted readers...I'm just jealous I never thought to do something like this. I don't think I could do it without laughing though...and I'd be overcome with guilt and call them back to apologize. so maybe I won't start this. :-/

Jimmy said...

No wonder Cindy never showed up from the Airport, heck this is our first trip to Detroit too :)

The Adorkable Ditz said...

My ex's home number was similar to the Domino's number and people would call all the time. I don't know why they never messed with them, because at Domino's when they pick up the phone they always say it's that place.

People are just dumb sometimes when they don't get the subtle hints.

http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

absolutely hysterical.

when i was growing up, we had a phone number that my parents had had for years and years (my mom still has it). a racketball club opened up and their number was off of ours by 1; instead of 2221, it was 2222. we'd tell people over and over that they had the wrong number and they'd call back.

finally, my brother started scheduling times and courts for them. i guess someone got the hint because the calls eventually stopped.

Ingrid Gray said...

LOL, this made me happy. I read it to M and he just looked at me like I was crazy! I love messing with stupid people!

The Empress said...

This post is hilarious! I can't blame you one bit for having some fun with those daft callers. If only I had known to mess with all those 5:00am callers who were trying to deliver supplies to a construction company - who regularly woke me up for 3 years - then it could have been a lot more fun! Thanks for sharing : )

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

Mamarazzi said...

FUNNY!!

Mynx said...

So it was you? I waited outside that house for an hour and a half and no one turned up....Lol. You are very wicked Jumble mash. I mess with the guys in the call centre at work because they are idiots. Love to play with other callers tho but not brave enough.

Tress said...

Hahahahaha you guys are the best. Seriously.

steph c said...

Oh. My. God. This is great. I work at a law firm and get wrong calls 90% of the time and I get SO peeved.. I've definitely thought of messing with people but always decide against it. You're like the little devil on my shoulder nudging me in the wrong (or oh so right) direction ;)

StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? said...

I'd feel waaaay too guilty to mess with anyone. I know it's annoying for you, but seriously, what if the person was mentally challenged, or so tired that they could hardly think straight and needed to get home from the airport...

I just always think of how I would feel if I was the other person. But then again, that is why I am no fun and have no friends, so there ya go!

lol.

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

I thought I was the only person who did stuff like this years ago our phone number was only a couple of digits different from the local hair dressers and we would get countless wrong number calls but after a while I would just make an appointmet for the caller.