Facebook is the # 1 cause of conflicts in relationships

Conversation between my boyfriend and I.

Me: I'm mad at you.

BF: Why?

Me: Because I commented on your photo a week ago and you never replied. Your friend commented on it today and within a minute, you replied.

BF: I'm sorry?

Me: I'm never ever going to write anything on your Facebook ever ever again.

BF: Don't do that, baby.

Me: Oh, it's happening! You never write on mine and you never reply.

BF: {Gives me a sad puppy dog face }

Me: Yes, it is very sad.

BF: Wait, I don't know if we are joking or if you are really mad.

Me: I'm kinda mad. Kinda not. It is just Facebook, but that's beside the point.

BF: What's the point?

Me: The point is that when I write I love you on your wall you should at least have the common courtesy to write I love you too.

BF: Okay, I thought this was about a photo comment?

Me: That too.

BF: Baby, I tell you I love you every day and I talk to you all the time in real life. I thought real life was better.

Me: Real life is better, but I don't want to look like a moron that gets ignored by the very boyfriend she brags about all the time.

BF: Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a big deal.

Me: {Very defensively} It's not a big deal! It's a small deal.

Pause.

Me: You know what, let's just pretend this never happened.

BF: It's a little too late for that.

Me: Nah, I have a time machine, just let me erase these last ten minutes.

BF: I will write on your wall more often if that is what you would like.

Me: No! Because now you are just going to do it because I told you to and not because you want to. It's not the same.

BF: Then what do you want?

Me: I want you to get your ass in this time machine so we can erase this whole conversation.

BF: {laughs} Okay, but again I'm sorry. I didn't know it was an issue.

Me: It's not an issue. It would just be nice of you.

BF: Fair enough.

Me: Good. Now shut the hell up and stop complaining about stupid shit.

BF: Me?

Me: Yup.

BF: I'm complaining?

Me: Well, I'm certainly too mature to start an argument about Facebook, so it must have been you.

BF: I see.

Me: {mumbles} I'm a pain in the ass. I will try to do better.

This is pretty much word for word. After my pain in the ass line, he gave me a hug and then I went back to the computer to type this. Facebook, along with ferrets and revolving doors, is evil.



UPDATE: I now have a wall post that says "I love love love love love love love you girlfriend." Haha. I win.

Giant Gummi Bear! I must have one.

I absolutely must have one of these. I mean, come on, it's a giant freaking Gummi Bear! And it doubles as a light! They are 7" high by 4" wide and weigh about 3 1/2 pounds.

Naturally, as soon as I saw this, I ran into the kitchen where my boyfriend was making french toast (at 8 p.m. might I add). I grabbed his hand and was like, "Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?"

Then we both looked down at our intertwined hands as I realized that his hand had been covered in french toast goop, which I believe is egg and some other crap, but I don't cook so I could be wrong. But, that's beside the point.

Boyfriend: "What are you so excited about?"

Me: "I have found my birthday present!"

Boyfriend: "Your birthday is in December."

Me: "Nah, I changed it to August. So from now on, my birthday is August 1st."

Boyfriend: "Why August 1st?"

Me: "Well, that gives you enough time to get my present overnighted, then you must wrap it, but you don't have to get me a card."

Boyfriend: "I don't think you can actually change your birthday."

Me: "But-but, I must have a giant Gummi Bear."

Boyfriend: {stops his french toast preparations} "You want a giant Gummi Bear?"

Me: "Yes, come see!"

So I proceed to show him the pictures.

And I'm all like, "Look! They even light up!"

Surprisingly, he actually took the time to sit down and look at them. And even more surprisingly, he thought that they were pretty awesome, too! I was practically vibrating with excitement. And then, he looked at the price.

Boyfriend: "Holy shit! $125 for a Gummi Bear?"

Me: "A giant Gummi Bear."

Boyfriend: "Wouldn't you rather have something more practical? Maybe something you'll actually use?"

Me: {looks at picture of the Gummi Bears, looks at boyfriend, then back at the Gummi Bears} "Not really."

Boyfriend: "You are such a weirdo, sometimes."

Then he went back to making his french toast. At 8 p.m. And I'm the weirdo? But I do think I broke him down. If I don't get one of these for my birthday, I will try for Christmas. Who knows, I may be over it by then, because a month ago, I wanted this for my birthday.

P.S. You should know, I have a huge problem spending money on myself, so that's why I won't buy the giant Gummi Bear and/or shirt myself. These useless things have to be presents or I'll never own them.

I Like Mushrooms. I think.

My BFF and I have been friends for many years. She knows all my secrets and I'm fairly certain that I know all of hers. There we are! But, I guess that's all kinda irrelevant, so moving on...

A couple of weekends ago, BFF and I decided to go out on the town and have a few drinks. Well a few drinks turned into a lot of drinks. A lot of drinks turned into staying out all night. Staying out all night turned into calling someone to come and pick up our drunk asses.

I honestly don't even remember getting into the car. But I kinda came back into the real world when we pulled into Sheetz. I looked over to see my roommate driving the car that I was riding shotgun in. I was all like "Hey Roomie, what are you doing here?" He just laughed at me and told me to go get some food. And I was like "OMG I'm starving!" And he was like, "I know, you said that 100 times, that's why we are at Sheetz."

So BFF and I get out of the car and stagger into Sheetz. I looked at her more than twice and told her to act like we weren't drunk. She just kept nodding and standing up straighter every time I said it. As if standing straighter would delude people into thinking we weren't actually intoxicated.

Anyways, BFF ordered her food and then came over to supervise me ordering my own. (We still argue to this day about who was more intoxicated that night.) I couldn't really see the MTO menu because everything seemed to blur together, so I covered one eye with my hand and like a freakin' miracle, everything came into focus. (This also works for texting while intoxicated-which, by the way, I highly recommend doing. Everyone loves hearing from you in the wee hours of the morning, especially when they have to decipher your text messages.)

After much deliberation, I ended up ordering a meatball sub with mushrooms and cheese. I hit the Complete Order button and suddenly BFF yells "Wait!"

I froze and my brain automatically said, "There is a gigantic bug on you and if you move it will kill you."

But it wasn't a bug. BFF said in a pretty panicked tone, "You do not like mushrooms."

I relaxed at the fact that there wasn't a bug, but I had to do some pretty serious convincing that I did indeed like mushrooms before she would allow me to pay for my food.

Then, as the cashier is handing my change over (and probably wondering what the hell was wrong with us) BFF says, "I don't think you liiiiiiiike mushrooms."

So I got a little frustrated at all of these crazy accusations of my hate for mushrooms and say in a fairly condescending tone, "I do like mushrooms, honey. It's all going to be okay."

She shook her head and followed me to the counter to pick up our food. The nice lady making our food at 4:30 in the morning handed me the meatball sub and BFF said, "You don't like mushrooms. You aren't going to like that sub."

I rolled my eyes as much as I could in my drunken state and ignored her. Once we were safely in the car, BFF proceeds to tell my roommate that I got a sub that I wasn't going to like. My roommate then jumped on the bandwagon and told me how much I hate mushrooms.

So, naturally, I shouted, "I LIKE MUSHROOMS, DAMN IT!" By this time, my alcohol buzz has started to wear off and all I wanted to do was go home and eat my meatball and mushroom sub.

We finally arrived home after BFF told me TWO times that I should stop somewhere else to get food because she'd 'really hate to see me go hungry.' I unwrapped my delicious smelling meatball sub and took a bite only to promptly burn the hell out of my tongue. I spit the food out and took a big drink. When I looked up through my tear filled eyes, BFF was staring at me with an I-told-you-so look on her face.

So again, I shouted, "I LIKE MUSHROOMS!" To which, she replied by shrugging her shoulders. In other words, she was calling me a liar.

After letting the meatball sub that was causing me more irritation than should have cool, I took another bite. Now, let me tell you, those were the WORST mushrooms I had ever tasted, and I really do like mushrooms. So instead of admitting that I wasn't going to eat the sub topped with rotten mushrooms, I pridefully scarfed the whole thing down in like three bites. And believe me, it was torture.

Fifteen minutes later, I was puking my guts up while BFF stood outside the door saying, "I didn't think you liked mushrooms."

P.S. It could have been the alcohol that induced vomiting. I'll never know.

P.P.S. Our necks really aren't that long, and in real life we have hands and feet.

The Zoo and Revolving Doors

My boyfriend and I went to the zoo and to a comedy club over the weekend. We had a lot of fun except for the 101 degree weather we had. I was so close to getting into the polar bear exhibit to swim with them, but my boyfriend was like "Polar bears are vicious and they will kill you." So, I decided against it.

Then, they were letting people pet an elephant. I started jumping up and down (seriously) and was all "I wanna pet it!" But boyfriend said, "They are charging people ten dollars to pet the elephant. That's stupid!" So, I didn't get to pet it.

At this point, I was pretty bummed out because I wasn't allowed to pet an elephant OR swim with the polar bears. Also, it was just sooo hot outside. So boyfriend had an idea that would cheer me up. He led me to the Reptile/Amphibian house. And I was really excited because I love love love turtles. Oh and the building had air conditioning. There was also a gift shop inside, so boyfriend said, "Pick any turtle you want and I'll get it for you." So naturally, I ran over to this one.

All happy and bright eyed, I picked up the turtle and handed it to him. He returned by looking at me like I had gone crazy and put the turtle back. "I meant from the gift shop."

Then I laughed and said, "Oh I know, I was kidding." I walked away, hoping he'd buy that and picked out a cute stuffed sea turtle. I named him Mr. Bubbles.

Then, while trying to find our hotel, our GPS took us through the ghetto. Seriously, Magellan, install a feature that avoids ghettos at all costs!

Ahem, anyways. Upon arriving at our hotel, I realized that I now have a new phobia. Revolving doors. And not just any revolving doors. Automatically revolving doors. You have absolutely no control over the revolving. That's some scary shit. My boyfriend went through the evil doors and I just stood outside watching them and waiting for people to get trapped. When I continued to watch, boyfriend came back outside and asked what I was doing.

Me: "I, ugh, I think I'm going to take the handicapped entrance."

Boyfriend: "Why?"

Me: {Looks down at my shoes to hide my embarrassment} "I'm scared I'll get trapped."

Boyfriend: {Stares at me for a minute.} "You wanted to climb into the polar bear exhibit, pet an elephant, and steal a turtle, but you won't go through revolving doors?"

Me: "Yeah, pretty much."

Boyfriend: "Give me your suitcase. You cannot possible get trapped if you aren't carrying anything."

I thought that that was very logical, so I handed over my suitcase and went through the doors. I didn't get trapped and it was actually kind of neat! So I get through all proud of myself and turn to wait for boyfriend-who happens to be trapped in the revolving doors because my hot pink suitcase got jammed.

Great weekend!

Nightmare on My Street

I have nightmares...a lot. Usually about creepy monsters and/or zombies. Probably from all of the books I read and video games I play. Well, pretty much every night, I wake up to my boyfriend holding me, petting my head and telling me to calm down. Then I'll tell him about my nightmare and go back to sleep. He is very patient with this, so for that I have to say Thanks Boyfriend!

Last night, though, was a little different. I awoke once again in his arms and he was being all sweet and patient and telling me to go back to sleep. But in my half awake/half asleep state, I punched him. Then I told him to get the hell away from me. When he said "Ow!" I became fully awake and I stared at him while he held his stomach where I had made contact.

Boyfriend: "W.T.F. was that for?"

Me: " You kissed a girl right in front of me. And you thought it was okay because she was a (in a hushed whispered voice) lesbian."

Then we stared at each other while he tried to make sense of it all. Then he figured it out.

Boyfriend: "Oh. My. Gosh. You hit me because of a dream? Go back to sleep before I call the cops on you for domestic abuse."

Me: "Kissing lesbians is cheating, too, ya know."

Boyfriend: "Goodnight."

When I woke up this morning, I was still mad at him.

Dog vs. Ferret

Remember my sweet and innocent roommate? Well, she has a ferret that I'm fairly certain was sent from Hell. Then it was shipped to PetCo where my roommate found it and thought "Oooh! A Ferret! I think I'll buy that!" It's albino, too, so it has little red beady eyes. It's some scary shit, I'm telling you. BUT luckily, I have a big scary dog to protect me.

HAHAHA! Not! My dog is as afraid of the three pound demon as I am. So to keep the peace, my roommate agreed to keep the ferret in her room unless my dog and I are absent. But then, she had the bright idea to buy a gigantic hamster ball so that we could all live in harmony without the fear of being bitten or having our things stolen and hidden in random places.

First, the ferret hates the hamster ball, and understandably so. It is not a hamster. Second, my dog felt like he had the upper hand. For a minute. He was walking around with his head held high as the ferret was pretty much at a stand still because it couldn't figure out how to make the ball go.

Look! He even got brave enough to try to bite the ball.

But then, the inevitable happened. The ferret learned how to maneuver the ball, just to get revenge on my poor pooch. So my dog took off with his tail between his legs as the little ball creature chased him around the apartment relentlessly.

Here he is. Defeated. Poor thing doesn't have an ounce of dignity left.

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Anita Blake

I'm going out of town this weekend and I most likely won't be taking my laptop with me, so today you get two more posts to hold you through the weekend. If anyone is even reading this. *Sigh* One day, I'll have readers. One day.

I have just finished the latest book in the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton and I must say, the entire series is incredible. Yes, it's about Vampires. No, it's nothing like Twilight. The Anita Blake novels are much more adult and Hamilton keeps the romance to a minimum. They are action packed and full of surprises.

Anita Blake is a license Vampire executioner and an animator-meaning she can raise the dead. In fact, she has an affinity for all the dead. She is also freakin' bad ass. She carries an arsenal of weapons around, back talks the biggest, scariest monsters, and can take one hell of a beating. Hamilton writes Anita's character with loads of sass and attitude.

Here is the Wikipedia description.

The series takes place in a parallel fantasy world where vampires, shape shifters, werewolves, faeries, etc. exist. Her night job, and primary source of income, is the legal profession of re-animating the dead. As an "animator" in a parallel St. Louis, her job entails using magical abilities to bring temporary life to dead bodies in order to question them for legal purposes. She is a necromancer, which allows her to control the dead, including vampires and zombies, but not ghosts and ghouls. She is also a licensed vampire hunter/executioner, with eventual empowerment as a Federal Marshal. In her world this profession involves tracking down and killing vampires who have murdered humans. She is also held in retainer for the Regional Preternatural Investigation Team (RPIT, pronounced Rip-it), which investigates supernatural crimes committed involving magic, vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures.
A strong protagonist in the series, Blake is very direct, flippant, and highly competent in the professions she is involved in. She is trained in judo, kenpo and knows how to use several weapons, but is most efficient with guns (as the series begins, the Browning Hi-Power is her carry gun of choice, though later in the series she switches to the Browning BDM). She is also a devout Christian which often creates moral dilemmas for the character.

So far there are 19 books in the series and the first few have been made into graphic novels, which I of course own and they are equally incredible.

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My boss wants me dead

Here at the office I work in, we used to have a file clerk. This girl would just go around to everyones offices asking them if they needed things filed, and she actually liked to file. Weird, right? I would rather write a 4 million word report than to file. It's that bad. But anyways, we would keep our documents in these accordion type folders and keep them alphabetized so that all she had to do was file them accordingly.But then, the most horrible thing happened. She got laid off. The company just didn't see the need for the extra cost of our beloved file clerk. But we were told that if the company makes more money, we can get her back.

So yesterday afternoon, I went to my boss and asked about said file clerk.

Me: "So ugh, when is File Clerk coming back?"

Boss: "Oh, she isn't."

(My jaw hits the ground) Me: "What do you mean?"

Boss: "They didn't put her salary in the budget, so we cannot get her back. The position doesn't exist anymore."

Me: "But-but, can we take up a collection and get her back?"

(Boss' face contorts into bewilderment) Boss: "Um, no. You have to be your own file clerk now."

I walk out of the office with my head hung low. My boss didn't seem to understand. I hate to file. It is painful. My hopes and dreams for my filing systems all depended on File Clerk, because after only a month and a half of her being gone, this is what happened.

The folder...it got too full. I began piling the documents on my desk.

It was getting harder and harder to see my computer monitor, so I broke down. I grabbed the magic brown folder and went into my filing room. After about two hours and realizing I don't know the alphabet quite as well as I used to, I finally had an empty folder.

I walked triumphantly back to my desk, only to realize, I still had the above pictured stack to file. I sighed dramatically and began putting them into their appropriate letter slots only to find out that I had filled the brown folder up all over again. And this vicious cycle will continue until the day I quit/retire/get fired. I hate filing.

I got a New Toy!

Last night felt like Christmas in July!! When I got home from work, I noticed something different about my entertainment center. Upon exploring the change, I discovered this...

Yes, the new XBOX 360! Isn't it pretty?? For all of you 360 fans, you are probably either aware of the new console or already own one. I was going to wait and buy mine until all the fuss was done and over with, but once again my boyfriend managed to surprise me.

The new design is super awesome. It's sleek, slim and shiny. It's so, so much quieter, too. My favorite thing is the cool little button that you simply touch to eject the disc. Apparently the PS3 has had a similar feature all along, but then again who cares. (Sorry PS3 lovers)

Anyways, the new console doesn't use the memory cards, so you don't need that anymore. A simple flash drive works on this and all new updated 360's. It has a 250GB Hard Drive, built in Wi-Fi and is all set up and ready for the Kinect. Don't know what the Kinect is? You must go here.

Well, that's all I've seen different about it so far, but it's pretty much a must have if you ask me.





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Good Vs. Evil

This morning was just like any ordinary morning. I hit the snooze button three times, and in my haste to get to work on time, I made quite a discovery.

Until they invent personal jet packs, I must walk down a flight of stairs every morning to reach the first floor of my apartment. Once on the first floor, I can venture out into the world of grown ups and begin my daily duties. But FIRST. This happened....



You see, my morning didn't start out very well, at all, and I'm very afraid that this is becoming a trend. (Please see previous post.)

Now, I need to introduce to you my two roommates. One is a twenty six year old male who likes to eat us out of house and home, sleeps way too much and talks about killing kittens a lot.

The other is a twenty five year old female who is pretty shy and keeps to herself. She leaves dirty dishes in the sink a lot, but that's all we really have to complain about.

My dog also lives with us, and he usually follows me around wherever I go and I have to convince him that if I go into the bathroom alone, I will indeed come back out so that he won't follow me.

So, guess who comes to my rescue?

My dog? Nope. He was too busy sleeping because he had had a wild night with the female greyhound next door.

My female roommate that is sweet beyond words, you say? Nope. She was too busy sitting down on the stairs behind me laughing until she was choking. She had witnessed the whole thing.

So, if you guessed that it was my kitten-hating, eats and sleeps too much roommate, you were partially right. He stood at the bottom of the stair case asking me if I was okay. Don't you hate that? When you are clearly not okay and someone keeps asking you if you are? Why, yes friend, there is blood gushing from my forehead, but I feel great!

I crawled down the last step and began crawling across the carpet on all fours. That's when my dog decided to wake up and start licking me in the face.

After getting to my feet, I realized I only ended up just having a sore wrist and a knot on my forehead, thankfully. And I discovered that sometimes the good people will sit at the top of the stairs laughing at you as you fall to the bottom.

Bad Day Cheer Up

I'm having a really lousy morning. I woke up late only to rush out of the door to find that my tire was flat. After fixing that, I show up at work almost two hours late, just to be ushered into a meeting that made me want to rip my ears off and mail them to Africa. Oh, I should mention now that after a recent surgery, I am no longer allowed to have caffeine. Me. The former three cups a day before lunch time cannot have coffee anymore. So I don't even have my coffee to help me get through this day, and last time I checked, I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol at work.

I need something to cheer me up, so I have decided to post about things that make me happy! (In no particular order.)

1. My Boyfriend. He makes me laugh. And he doesn't annoy the piss out of me like most people. And he is perfectly content watching me play video games...as long as he is allowed to play next :)

2. Cheddar's Legendary Monster Cookie! Oh, its just amazing. Under all that chocolate fudge, ice cream and whip cream is a warm gooey chocolate chip cookie.

3. Master Chief drinking the coffee I'm not allowed to have? No. Halo 3 makes me very happy because I get to blow things up and shoot lots of people. It makes me giddy when I get MVP. It makes me laugh out loud when guys get angry that a girl beats them. Wish I had an XBOX 360 at work. 4. My dog looks just like this cartoon. Except my dog weighs like 120 pounds. And he is black. And his tail is longer. And his face is different. Okay, it looks nothing like my dog. But it still makes me happy. My dog/son is a 4 year old black lab and the sunshine to my rainy days

5. When my boss goes on vacation. Oh those are the best days! It means I get to sit at work and play on the Internet and/or read all day.

6. Mini Golf. I think I just found something to do this evening!

7. Playing my Bass. I am not very good at it, but it is pink and it makes noise and I like to learn new songs. It's very stress relieving.


Well, there you have it, 7 things that make my day super. I feel better already.







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Hyperbole and a Half

Hyperbole and a Half is probably one of my favorite blogs. Allie Brosh, the author, is hysterical and just so freakin' creative.

This is her mission statement:

Do you like velociraptors, pirates, sharks and boats? Then you will probably like my blog!
I have never written about the previously listed things, per se, but I like them... and you like them... so we obviously have something in common.

Some of her posts are pretty random, like this one, but the blog is pretty much a composite of stories she tells about herself, with exaggeration. She also draws her own cartoons to go with the stories to make them even more hilarious. This girl has almost 15,000 followers!! She is good, really good! Allie is becoming a web sensation and I would really hate for any of you to miss out on the great things she has to say.

How a Fish Almost Destroyed My Childhood is probably my favorite, so start there and see what you think!

Photo Source All photos belong to Allie Brosh and her brilliant brain.

Alan Wake

So, I'm a total gamer geek. So much that my significant other is the manager of a popular video game store and that's one of the reasons why I love him so much. Hehe. It makes me happy when he brings me games to try out. So I introduce to you, Alan Wake.

I have a love/hate relationship with this game. I could go on and on about how good this game looks and how fantastic the visuals are, but you can get a glimpse of that in the screen shot.

Here is Wikipedia's description of the game:

The plot follows suspense-thriller writer Alan Wake in uncovering the mystery behind the disappearance of his wife while on vacation in idyllic small-town Bright Falls, and having to deal with blackouts and visions of characters and ideas from his latest novel, which he can't remember writing, coming to life.

Through some parts of this game, I am utterly bored. You have to watch a lot of clips. Granted, they are necessary for the story line, but it seems like I watched more than I played. Then, the parts that you actually get to play are pretty freaking awesome. It's a thriller, action, adventure type of game and you have to kill these people that have the darkness in them with a flash light and a gun. The flash light 'rids the darkness' and then you can pop a couple of bullets in them. BUT the game play actually stops to show you where your enemies are approaching from. So, nothing really surprises you, unless of course one gets behind you and starts chopping you up with his axe.

You have to go through and beat little missions that lead you to your final mission and each ones unravels a little part of the mystery. If anything, I had to keep playing this game to find out what happened next. It really keeps you interested if you like suspense thrillers.

All in all, it was a good game and I felt very accomplished when I finished it. Would I play it again? Probably not. But there are very few that I would.

Enjoy this awesome video clip from the escapistmagazine.com. This dude reviews like every game out there and its hilarious!!

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Nook

Oo! My first post!

Ah hem, anyways. This first post is all about Barnes and Nobel's Nook and its because I just purchased one and I absolutely LOVE it. If you like to read, the Nook is a must have.

I researched all of the e-readers out there before deciding upon this one. The Wi-Fi is what really won me over, but there is so much more! First of all, the price came down to $199.00 from $259.00. It has 2 GB of memory and stores up to 1,500 books. And then you can go and add a memory card if you need even more space. Can you imagine trying to shelf 1,500 books? You would have books up to the ceiling and more. Most of the e-books I've found so far are close to the same price as a paperback you can buy at the store, but I did see some that were cheaper while browsing. You can also download free sample books which gives you like the first 40 pages of a book you are interested in before you buy it. You can also read the e-books for free at the Barnes and Nobel stores.

The actual reading of the book is neat too. You can adjust the size of your font to suit you. You can bookmark pages and the Nook automatically saves the page you left off on. Just simply go to the bottom touch screen and touch "Reading Now" and your page pops right up!

You can shop, play games, try the web beta and access Wi-Fi all from the touch screen. You can also upload your own photos for a custom screen saver, which I think is awesome! The only thing I would change, would be that the big screen was touch, too. Other than that, so far so good!

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