At Least It Wasn't Santa

I was asked to run an errand for work last week and I was all, "Yay! I get to leave the office." So I took the company car which is a big ass Chevy Trail Blazer and went on my marry little way.

An hour later, I was driving back to work on the interstate and talking on the phone with Boyfriend. We were talking about the fact that the Whose Line Is It Anyway cast is coming to down when I came around the bend and right there in the middle of the road was this...

Only bigger. Much, much bigger. I swerved into the left lane to miss it, but as soon as I swerved, the stupid thing decided to fly.  Right. Towards. Me. I had  no where else to go so I closed my eyes and waited for the impact.

It did indeed come. I heard and felt a huge thump and opened my eyes to see brown turkey feathers flying everywhere.  All the while, I am screaming and Boyfriend is still on the phone.

Boyfriend: What? What is happening?

Me: Oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddd!!

Then the whole thing was over. I took a big, deep breath and got back into the right lane.

Me: I am freaking the f*ck out. I can't stop shaking and I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry.

Boyfriend: Pull over.

{Did as I was told} Me: Okay, I'm off the road.

Boyfriend: Now tell me why in the Hell I'm about to have a heart attack.

Me: I hit a turkey.

Boyfriend: A real turkey?

Me: Are there fake turkeys?

Boyfriend: Yeah, I think you can get them at the sporting goods stores. People use them to target shoot.

Me: Oh. Weird.

Boyfriend: Ok, back to your turkey. Are you okay?

Me: Well, yeah, I'm just a little shaken up and I'm in the company car. I'm going to get so much shit for this.

Boyfriend: It's just a turkey, it couldn't have done that much damage.

Me: Yeah, you are right. There are feathers in the windshield wipers.

Boyfriend: Did the turkey die?

Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Boyfriend: Well go back and get it and we'll have Thanksgiving early this year.

Me: You want me to touch a dead turkey?

Boyfriend: Baby, I was kidding. I don't actually want to eat road kill.

Me: Oh.My.God. I've never killed anything before.

Boyfriend: Awe, it's okay, it went to turkey Heaven, and there are no cars or hunters there.



It's amazing what you can find on Google.



After that, I was well enough to drive back to work. I was still a little freaked, but I was ready to go back and tell them what happened.

I slowly got out of the car and looked at the front end. The passenger side headlight was busted, the grill was cracked, and the hood was dented. So yes, Boyfriend, turkeys can do a lot of damage! $967.82 worth of damage.



Estimate of damages



I told my boss and then had to call our corporate office and ask for an accident form. The Risk Management dude sent me the form and titled it "TURKEY KILLER." Ha. Ha.

Now, everyone is calling me that. I don't find it that funny.