Thursday, September 30, 2010

Have you seen this?

Just click on the little dude. Trust's worth it.

The Dresden Files

Whew. It’s been awhile since I’ve done a book review. It’s been awhile since I’ve finished a book. Boyfriend talked me into reading the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. It is a fantasy/mystery series about a wizard named Harry Dresden who finds himself in trouble quite often.

I’ve only gotten to read the first book which is called Storm Front, but it was freakin’ awesome. I bought a three pack set at Barnes and Nobel and absolutely cannot wait to start on the second book. There are 13 books in the series thus far with the 13th one due out in March.

It takes place in Chicago, where Harry works as a wizard private eye and is on retainer at the Chicago PD’s Special Investigation Unit. In Harry’s world, magic, werewolves, vampires, demons, etc. are real, except humans don’t know it. So everyone pretty much gets a laugh out of Harry’s wizard status.

The first book pretty much introduces Harry and the type of magic he can and cannot due. It starts out kind of slow and I had hard time getting through some of the first chapters, but when it takes off, it takes off with a bang. It’s a complete page turner.

Harry is also investigating a series of murders that he believes can only be done by another wizard. But since Harry is the only known wizard in the area, he is a taking a lot of heat.

Harry must find the killer to not only prevent anymore murders, but to also save his own hide. But when the supernatural creatures of his world get wind that Harry is on the case, they will do anything to stop him. But Harry also has friends in low places and incredible motivation to keep on keeping-on.

I really like this series because Harry has a lot of flaws and isn’t completely perfect and good at everything like one Mr. Cullen. He is bad at relationships, but good with magic. Even though he is a wizard though, his magic is limited.

Harry has an awesome sense of humor and is a smart ass most of the time. He is chivalrous and old fashioned. I absolutely adore his character.

There is also a series on TV appropriately called The Dresden Files, but I have heard bad things about it. I refuse to watch it until I’ve finished the series.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Interviewed a Rock Star

Ya'll know I love Epbot, right? It's one on my favorite blogs...ever. The geekness, the craftiness, the wonderfulness (is that a word? spell check says it is!). I absolutely love it all.

Well I asked the creator, blogging extraordinaire, Jen, if I could do an interview and she said yes! I couldn't believe it! She took time out of her busy, busy life to do an interview with little ol' me. She is a freakin' rock star.

JM:  When did you start Epbot and what made you decide to?

Jen:   I started Epbot on my birthday this year, 5/12. It was a birthday present to myself: I really wanted to blog about something *other* than cake from time to time, and also to interact more with readers who have similar geeky interests.

JM:  Where did the name come from?

Jen:   The name was a kind of happy accident. When I was writing my first post for the blog (which at that time had a different name,) I decided to riff on the long-standing Epcot joke from Cake Wrecks, and so wrote "welcome to my Experimental Prototype BLOG of Tomorrow!" As soon as I typed it, bam! I knew I had the name. This meant some last-minute scrambling to get the new mascot together, but I couldn't be happier with the way everything turned out.

JM:   Including Cake Wrecks, how long have you been blogging?

Jen:   Since May of 2008.

Well, I did have a personal blog for a few years before that, but since my mom was pretty much my only reader, I don't think that really counts. ;)

JM:  You have called EPBot your “get-away-from-Cake-Wrecks-stress” blog. Why is Cake Wrecks so stressful?

Jen:   Ooooh, how much time do you have? :D

In a nutshell, CW is stressful because it's online and it's popular. That means trying to please everyone all the time, which we all know is impossible. It seems like I'm always walking the razor thin line between humor and offense, as no matter what we do, someone, somewhere, will find a way to be offended by it. (And I'm not talking about the bakers!) Constantly worrying about who we may have inadvertently offended today is very, very wearing.

There are also a lot of demands on my time: besides writing posts there's mostly e-mail, but also everything from handling advertisers to site design, and then also writing the next CW book, organizing/designing calendars, that sort of thing.

JM:   If you had to describe EPBot in 15 words or less, how would you do it?

Jen:  Geeky, girly, and lots of goofing off. Plus some steampunk. And crafty stuff. (Ta da!)

JM:   Is blogging your full time job?

Jen:  Yes. And then some! My hubby, John, also works full time for CW. He handles most of the advertising and more technical sides to the blog.

JM:  You speak of your hubby, John, often. How does he handle your internet fame?

Jen:  John is truly the most supportive husband, ever. Even before Cake Wrecks, he unfailingly supported my every crazy idea, and was always telling me that I could succeed at anything I wanted to do. For a time I didn't do anything, and he was fine - happy, even - with that, too. When CW took off, John was more excited than I was. Then, when it became too much for me to handle alone, he stepped in and began shouldering the burden with me. I keep waiting for him to get tired of it all, but he never does. He tells me I was always famous to him - that now other people are just figuring it out, too. So, yeah, I have the best guy ever; I couldn't do any of this without him.

JM:  You are crafty. What is your favorite thing to create and how did you become so creative?

Jen:  To be honest, my favorite thing is, simply, creating. Anything and everything. If I haven't produced something with my own two hands in more than a few days, I start to go insane. Even if it's just rearranging the bookshelves, or framing a new piece of art: I have to be physically *doing* something to be happy. This has always been the case, but now even more so with Cake Wrecks: working online is producing things in a way, but it's not tangible. I need to hold something and be able to say, "I did this."

Whatever creativity I do have stems from boredom, plain and simple. I bore extremely easily. I don't *think* I'm ADD, but I do plan 10 new projects for every one I finish. I could rattle off a dozen things I want to do for my next Epbot tutorial right now, so it's a little hard to stay on track. My office renovation, for example: I keep getting sidetracked with new art projects or pieces to go in the room, so the official finish date keeps getting pushed back! I also usually have 3 or 4 projects going at once, although I'm happy to say that I *do* finish them all. Eventually. Hehehe.

JM:  You have tons of readers, how does it feel to know you are so loved?

Jen:  Oh, man, I feel humbled beyond measure that I have the readers I do - on both blogs, really, but especially on Epbot. Epbot is more me, so the connections I have with people there are more personal, more genuine. We also have more in common, so there's that instant "click" when I talk to an Epbot reader. I don't think of it as being adored by the masses, though - gosh, even writing that sounds conceited - I just think of it as one geeky girl holding up a banner, and those with like interests gathering 'round to chat. Cake Wrecks gave me this huge platform to gather together the much smaller demographic of like-minded geeks/goofs, and I'm very grateful for that. Most bloggers struggle to reach their audience. For the most part, I've had my audience find me. I hope to never take that for granted.

JM:  Nicely put! I know the answer to this...but could you please share with my readers the outstanding number of Twitter followers you have?

Jen:  Ha! Ok, I'll tell you, but first you should know how many Twitter followers I've LOST: over 200,000. In fact, I lose tons of readers every day. So with that caveat: I have around 1.2 million followers.

I should also mention that the only reason I ever had 1.4 million followers to begin with was that some lovely soul at Twitter's HQ put me on their 'recommended users' list, way back in the day. That meant every new Twitter user who clicked to follow everyone on Twitter's recommended list ended up following me. I'm sure many - maybe most - had no idea who I was. So, since my peak (and since that list changed), I've slowly been declining in numbers. Not that I'm complaining. ;)

JM:  Did you ever think that Cake Wrecks and EPBot would be such hits?

Jen:  For Cake Wrecks? Never ever in a million gajillion years. I wasn't even sure the half dozen friends I told about it would like it. When the first stranger left a comment, I kind of freaked out: I actually wasn't sure I *wanted* strangers reading it! So that probably tells you a lot about my initial mindset. I was writing for myself, and no one else. I was just goofing off, having some fun. (I've really always loved writing: it's the one craft I've never gotten bored with.)

For Epbot, I went in with more experience, but I still had no idea what to expect. CW also spoiled me in terms of numbers; when you hit the jackpot with your first lottery ticket, even getting the $50 prize with the next feels less successful. Don't get me wrong, by most standards, Epbot is doing just great. Fantastic, really. But it's no Cake Wrecks, and never will be. (It has about 1/10th of the readers CW does.) Frankly, I wouldn't want it that big, though - not if it meant having readers who don't "get" me the way these do now.

JM:  What advice would you give to new bloggers wanting the success you have?

Jen:  Couple things:

- Love it enough to keep going when there are no readers and no money. Then keep going.

- Keep your expectations realistic. The fact that I can pay the bills with this job is the exception to the rule; making money blogging is *hard.*

- Listen to the praise and the lovingly presented advice, but nothing else. Remember that most commenters on the Internet are, unfortunately, complete and total jerks. (Thankfully my two blogs are the exception to this rule.)

- Set high ethical standards for yourself, and then keep them. I'm not necessarily talking about language or content, here: I'm talking about staying true to your beliefs, and not changing yourself to suit the whims of faceless critics.

- Give credit where it's due, and give it generously. On the 'net, as in life, what goes around comes around.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I'm Bored Again

I know what you're thinking. Two posts in one day? Holy cow! Ha...don't get too excited.

I just wanted to let ya'll know that I've added another button for you to grab. You now have two options.

This one...


Or the older one...


I'm kind of loving the new one. What do you think?

Also, if you use my button, please let me know and I will GLADLY return the favor!! Just scroll down and find the code on the right side of the page. Copy the code, then add it to your page by adding the HTML/Java Script Widget. Paste the code and tada! You have my button!

Bed Bugs...or something.

Last night I was abruptly awoken by a tickle in my ear. I wiped at my ear and was immediately assaulted with a crackling noise. It sounded like there was a little elf sitting in my ear eating Rice Crispies. Or maybe Pop Rocks.Yeah, it was totally Pop Rocks.

All other sound was lost except for the damn crackling and popping noises.

Then it went away. So I lay back down with my ear pressed against the pillow and it started again, only this time the tickling came back. I sat up in bed and screamed.

Boyfriend sat bolt upright in bed and started looking around like he was lost. I laughed at him. Then he said, “What.The.Fuck?”

I said, “There is a freakin’ spider in my ear laying eggs, you need to get it out.”

Like the good man that he is, he got up and turned on the light. He looked inside my ear and said, “It’s not a spider, it’s an egg-laying bed bug.”

Naturally, I screamed again and then he started laughing. I punched him in the arm and was all, “What in the hell is in my freakin’ ear?”

Turns out there wasn’t anything in my ear. Well, nothing a q-tip could get out, anyway. But I was still convinced that there was a bug burrowing into my brain. I laid wake most of the night listening to the little shit making a new home in my ear wax. And the tickling! It was driving me insane. Finally, I made Boyfriend get up again and put ear drops that were actually only water into my ear. It seemed logical. Just drown the bug, right?

Wrong. So very, very wrong. It made things worse. It wasn’t a good idea at all. The crackling then turned into more of a louder gurgling sound.

So I resorted to experts. I Googled it. Boyfriend was all, “Don’t Google it. You will just freak yourself out.” And I maturely said, “Nu uh,” and went about my business.

I figured out that I either had a perforated ear drum, fluid buildup that can be associated with colds, Eustachian tube dysfunction, or sinus drainage. I picked perforated ear drum. I was all, “Oh my God, I have a hole or rupture in my ear drum. I’m going to die.”

Boyfriend said I wouldn’t die of a perforated ear drum though and he gave me the I-told-you-so eyes. I only hope he knows what he’s talking about.

Anyways, I fought with my ear all night long and when it would finally chill out long enough for me to fall asleep; I would have dreams about bugs nesting inside my ear canal. I blame this post on lack of sleep. And spiders.

 When I got out of bed this morning, it was gone. I still don’t know what it was.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Slumber Party

I had a slumber party Friday night with my two nieces. The oldest is six and the youngest is four. They are both absolutely wonderful and I loved having them. I am not a mother, so I don't have the experience with children that some have. For instance, when the youngest told me her belly was hurting, I said, "Ew, don't puke on me."

She laughed, so I guess it wasn't that horrible. Anyways...they do not get to spend the night with me a lot because most of the time they miss their mommy too much and want to go home before 10:00 pm. So much to my surprise, they were both actually really excited and they both stayed the whole night without crying.

So I thought I'd share with you all how I kept a 6 and 4 year old entertained and had lots of fun doing it.

As soon as they arrived, I made them some kick-ass chicken nuggets that they smothered in ketchup. We had some very yummy strawberry juice boxes to accompany them.

I had bought them some crafts to do at our local party store and they absolutely loved them. They were just wooden cut outs of butterflies and lady bugs that they painted. Granted, I had paint all over my kitchen, but they had a blast.

Then we gave each other make overs and played dress up. They actually packed a bag with tons of dress up clothes and we had a fashion show. I pretty much took pictures and announced their fabulous entrances.

Next, we played Just Dance on the Wii, which was a huge hit. If you haven't seen this game, you should definitely look into it, whether you have kids or not. This is kinda what it was like watching my nieces, except they didn't have as much rhythm as this girl. Don't tell them I said that.

After that we made awesome ice cream sundaes with lots of sprinkles and chocolate syrup.

Then we ate some  popcorn and watched Scooby Doo. I really have no clue how the little one's tummy stopped hurting after all that junk food, but half way through Scooby Doo she was ready for bed.

I made them a bed next to mine, but they both crawled in bed with me anyways. So, the three of us and my overweight dog slept soundly.

The next morning, at 6:30 a.m., which I haven't seen in I don't do 6:30 a.m., we got up and ate cereal. Then at approximately 7:00 a.m. we were playing Just Dance again. We played that game until 10:00 and then switched to Mario. And the six year old kicked my butt at Mario. It was sad...and she made fun of me.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

5 Things That Drive Me Crazy: Roommate Edition

This is a little late...but I've been busy. Apartment hunting mostly, which is what inspired this post. I also wanted to dedicate this to Molly who is searching for a roommate.

1. Leaving laundry in the washer and dryer- I wash clothes once a week. Mostly because that's all I have time for. Every single time in the two years that I have lived in my apartment, the washer and dryer are full when I go to start my laundry. Which means, I have to do someone else's laundry just to get to mine. It has been discussed many, many times and it never changes.

2. Parking- Parking is limited at my apartment. Therefore, when my roommates have guests over, my parking spot usually gets taken. I am the last one to arrive home from work in the evenings and I usually have to park across the street. Then I have to carry everything I have across heavy traffic. It truly sucks.

3. Unknown guests- I just L-O-V-E it when I'm sitting in my pajamas and stuffing my face with some cookies and a random stranger walks in. Like come hard is it to let me know when we are having company?

4.Other people's undies- I have three roommates. It was just two until about a month or so ago, but now there are four people living in my apartment and Boyfriend is here all the time. So basically 5 and one dog. It is totally gross and embarrassing when I walk into the bathroom and find a pair of panties or boxers laying on the floor. Especially when I have a guest over. I'm sure boyfriend really loves seeing a pair of boxers that aren't his on my bathroom floor. (I was going to name this category 'Other People's Personal Items,' but when I find an empty condom wrapper or something, it doesn't make me angry, it turns me into a private investigator. I just have to know who it belonged to and who was getting freaky in my house.)

5. Privacy- Four people under one roof does not equal privacy. The only reason this one is pretty low on my list is because I'm not really a private person. I walk through the apartment in just a towel and I'll tell just about anyone about my personal life. But it is pretty annoying when we have to vote about what to watch on TV. Or we have to ask everyone if they need in the bathroom before we go take a shower. It would be so nice just to walk into the bathroom and take a nice long hot bath without anyone pounding on the door because they have to pee.

Friday, September 24, 2010

No, you're it!

My BBFF (Blogging Best Friend Forever) Jess tagged me and seven other bloggers in this fun blogging game. Jess gave me 8 questions to answer and then I have to tag 8 people with 8 questions of my own. Neat huh?

1. If you could spend one entire day (24 hours) with anyone (dead or alive), who would it be and what would you do?

To be honest, although it’s cheesy and mushy and sometimes we are totally gross...I wouldn’t want to spend it with anyone else but Boyfriend.

2. If you could only listen to ONE song for the rest of your life, which song would it be and why?

Anemia by Tool. Tool is my favorite band and no matter how many times I listen to that particular song, it never gets old.

3. What did you want to be when you were a child?

A Zoo Keeper. HAHA. I remember writing a paper in 5th grade about what I wanted to be when I grew up. At first I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I found out that Zoo Keepers are way cooler. I ended up being a Paralegal. Totally not what I was going for.

4. If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom, or stirred?

I would totally be fruity. Strawberries for sure.

5. What's one show you wish they would bring back? OR What's a film you wish would have a sequel made or a film you wish would be remade?

Full House. Except called it Full House in Reality. Michelle has an eating disorder. Danny has become an alcoholic. Jesse is having an affair. Becky knows he’s having an affair, but she doesn’t care because the twins aren’t Jesse’s. Joey has confessed his homosexuality. DJ is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is. Stephanie is abusing drugs and gets sent to rehab.

6. If you could come visit me and spend a weekend in New Orleans, would you want to? Why or why not? (This is completely hypothetical, of course.)

Hell yeah! And it’s because you are my BBFF. And you are awesome. And I think you are a rock star. And I’ve never been to New Orleans.

7. Do you think Ross and Rachel made a great couple? If not, give me three reasons why I should still consider you a blogging buddy.

Yes and no. Rachel kind of angered me most of the time because she was so back and forth with her feelings for Ross when Ross was only trying to be a nice guy. Rachel was so blind sometimes. But when they were good...they were GREAT. Remember when she talked his girlfriend, Bonnie, into shaving her head? Classic.

8. You rub a lamp and a genie (voiced by Robin Williams) pops out and grants you three wishes. The same rules apply as in Aladdin. What do you wish for?

This is so funny because on Wednesday, my Facebook status was “could really use a wish right now,” and my friend told me that he could really use a hamburger and fries right now so I promised him that if I found a genie I would wish for him a burger and fries. My second wish would be to wish for more wishes, but I think that’s against the rules. So my real second wish would be to have enough money to build Boyfriend and me a house with a big fenced in yard and to make sure my family was taken care of. My third wish would be to live the rest of my life happy. And that doesn’t mean kill me right now Genie. (Sometimes genies trick must be careful.)

Now...the eight wonderful blogs that I have chosen to tag are...

Cynicism Isn't an Option, It's a Lifestyle
Traditional Turn Based
Daydream Believer
Just Another Avenue
Confessions of A Conflicted Mean Girl
O Is Me
The Ranter’s Box
Live it, Love It

And here are their questions...

1. If you could have one super human ability, what would it be and why?
2. What made you decide to start blogging?
3. What are you going to be for Halloween?
4. If you could become someone else for a day, who would you choose and why?
5. If you had to describe yourself in 5 words how would you do it?
6. Which was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
7. Think back to when you were like 13. Who was your celebrity crush?
8. What are you most afraid of?

Make sure you tell me when you are posting your answers! I can't wait to read them!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Yes, It Can Be Destroyed.

Friday I was sitting at work, minding my own business (probably blogging) when I heard something behind me. I didn't pay attention at first, but then someone cleared their throat.

I spun around in my chair, kind of annoyed that someone was interrupting my hard work and this is what I saw.
I jumped clear out of my freakin' chair and backed up as far as I could away from the road kill.

My co-worker immediately burst into a fit of laughter and I really didn't understand what was so funny about her holding a dead animal in front of me. Gross. 

I picked up my desk phone and she was asked me who I was calling. I was all,"First, the pysch ward, and then the animal police."

She stopped laughing then and told me that it was a dog toy! It's like an un-stuffed animal. There is absolutely no stuffing in these things and they actually feel like real fur. So it seemed like a good idea to get my dog one.

First of all, $16.00 for an un-stuffed animal is ridiculous. Second of all, their selling point is that your pet cannot tear the stuffing out and get it all over the place and its a lie. My dog is known to rip all the stuffing out of everything he gets and the un-stuffed animals are no exception.

When I first got home, I honestly thought he had finally let the ferret have it.  But was his the toy that was supposedly indestructible.

So long Mr. Un-Stuffed Gray Fox.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Must Love Dogs

Boyfriend and I are currently looking for an apartment. It is stressing me the hell out.

We keep running into a problem.

No one will let us have pets and I absolutely cannot give up my dog. It would be like giving up my son.

When he was a puppy

 Having a stare down with the ferret

How in the world could I give him up?? He's soo freakin' cute and I rescued him when he was a puppy from a place that was treating their animals poorly and starving most of them. He's been by my side ever since. Four of his brothers and sisters died from malnutrition, which I found out about after the fact or I would probably have 5 dogs running around.

The fact of the matter is though, everyone has a no pets policy.

I'm depressed and have been cuddling with him every chance I get.

Why don't these people have hearts?!?!?!

On the other hand...if I did decide to give him up...who in the Hell wants a full grown dog? He's sweet and loyal and behaves, but he is nearly 5 years old.  No body wants an older dog, that's why there are so many of them at the pound.

I don't know what to do and I don't even really know why I'm posting about it. I guess I'm fishing for if you've got any...I'm all ears.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

No More Whiskey

My BFF and I went out for drinks the other night (which we shouldn't be allowed to do alone) and had an...interesting time.

Instead of telling you the whole story, I am just going to copy the text messages from my phone and you can get the general idea. And yes, I've submitted these to Texts From Last Night. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a T-shirt made and give it to BFF for Christmas. is our next morning conversation.

BFF: Hey I lost my phone! Good news is I found a shiny new Blackberry in my clutch. I'm using it until further notice! Now *please tell me who in the Hell signed my boobs last night.

Me: Nice upgrade! Wonder how that happened? As for the boob thing-that was the DJ. You thought you needed his autograph.

BFF: *Wow. No more whiskey.

Me: Yeah, no joke. I had to practically carry you up your porch steps and you kept saying that we were going to wake your parents up.

BFF: I don't live with my parents.

Me: I know. I put you in your bed and you started crying because you couldn't get your pants off.

BFF: Did you take them off for me?

Me: You bet.

BFF: You are the best.


BFF: I found my phone. Turns out some girl and I accidentally switched in the bathroom.

Me: Did you ask if you could keep the Blackberry?

BFF: Sure did. She said no.

Me: Bitch.

BFF: My thoughts exactly. I had thirteen new messages from some guy and he kept calling me Fancy Face. WTF?

Me: Oh...that was the guy you were dancing with all night. You told him that Fancy Face was your name.

BFF: What? OMG. Was he cute?

Me: He was bald. And I think he was old enough to be your dad.

BFF: Why did you let me dance with him?

Me: I told you not to and you said, *'I'm a grown ass woman and you are not my mother.'

BFF: Oh. Sorry about that. So why Fancy Face?

Me: No clue, but that's what I'm going to call you from now on.

BFF: Please don't. So, do you want to go out again soon?

Me: I'd love to Fancy Face.

*Possible T-shirt

Monday, September 20, 2010

At Least It Wasn't Santa

I was asked to run an errand for work last week and I was all, "Yay! I get to leave the office." So I took the company car which is a big ass Chevy Trail Blazer and went on my marry little way.

An hour later, I was driving back to work on the interstate and talking on the phone with Boyfriend. We were talking about the fact that the Whose Line Is It Anyway cast is coming to down when I came around the bend and right there in the middle of the road was this...

Only bigger. Much, much bigger. I swerved into the left lane to miss it, but as soon as I swerved, the stupid thing decided to fly.  Right. Towards. Me. I had  no where else to go so I closed my eyes and waited for the impact.

It did indeed come. I heard and felt a huge thump and opened my eyes to see brown turkey feathers flying everywhere.  All the while, I am screaming and Boyfriend is still on the phone.

Boyfriend: What? What is happening?

Me: Oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddd!!

Then the whole thing was over. I took a big, deep breath and got back into the right lane.

Me: I am freaking the f*ck out. I can't stop shaking and I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry.

Boyfriend: Pull over.

{Did as I was told} Me: Okay, I'm off the road.

Boyfriend: Now tell me why in the Hell I'm about to have a heart attack.

Me: I hit a turkey.

Boyfriend: A real turkey?

Me: Are there fake turkeys?

Boyfriend: Yeah, I think you can get them at the sporting goods stores. People use them to target shoot.

Me: Oh. Weird.

Boyfriend: Ok, back to your turkey. Are you okay?

Me: Well, yeah, I'm just a little shaken up and I'm in the company car. I'm going to get so much shit for this.

Boyfriend: It's just a turkey, it couldn't have done that much damage.

Me: Yeah, you are right. There are feathers in the windshield wipers.

Boyfriend: Did the turkey die?

Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Boyfriend: Well go back and get it and we'll have Thanksgiving early this year.

Me: You want me to touch a dead turkey?

Boyfriend: Baby, I was kidding. I don't actually want to eat road kill.

Me: Oh.My.God. I've never killed anything before.

Boyfriend: Awe, it's okay, it went to turkey Heaven, and there are no cars or hunters there.

It's amazing what you can find on Google.

After that, I was well enough to drive back to work. I was still a little freaked, but I was ready to go back and tell them what happened.

I slowly got out of the car and looked at the front end. The passenger side headlight was busted, the grill was cracked, and the hood was dented. So yes, Boyfriend, turkeys can do a lot of damage! $967.82 worth of damage.

Estimate of damages

I told my boss and then had to call our corporate office and ask for an accident form. The Risk Management dude sent me the form and titled it "TURKEY KILLER." Ha. Ha.

Now, everyone is calling me that. I don't find it that funny.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Big F'n Thank You

I cannot thank my blogging pals enough for such a great week! You all did amazing and it was more than I had hoped for! I gained like 8 new followers and I hope that all of you gained a few yourselves.

I had lots of traffic and it's all because of you wonderful ladies. Jess, Miss Innocent, Jamie, Molly and Meg....I freakin' love you.

I owe you all one!

If you haven't already, be sure to check out "I Have A Guest Week" and see what awesome friends I have.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I Have A Guest Week: Me!

Well although I’m not a guest, I’m going to participate in this week’s festivities.

I have decided to choose topic #5...A Bucket List.

Here we go. Before I die, I want to

1. Carve Brad Pitt a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Winnie the Pooh has a freakin’ star, but Brad Pitt doesn’t. What kind of crap is that?

2. Go to Rome.

3. Get married to the love of my life.

4. Have two children. (Two boys, because girls are mean.)

5. Buy a house with a big yard.

6. Develop my telekinetic super human power.

7. Photograph the world.

8. Play the Bass like a pro.

9. Write a book.

10. Dance with Ellen Degeneres

Friday, September 17, 2010

I Have A Guest Week: Daydream Believer

And last but certainly not least of this super fabulous guest week is brought to you by Jamie from Daydream Believer.

She chose topic number 1 (Marriage/Relationship) in which she wanted to share a story about her relationship with her mother...but it also falls under topic number 4 (A Funny Story About Yourself).  So Double Whamy! Enjoy.

My mother is a wise, wise woman; I am so lucky to be her daughter. But along with being wise, she's also neurotic and paranoid...especially when it comes to her baby girl (moi). The following is a true story that occured in my childhood. Enjoy, friends!

When I think back on this particular night, it's very, very hazy, probably because I ended up vomiting for the last half of it. Ok, slight exaggeration. It's probably because I was only about four-ish when this particular Jamie's-Mom-Knows-Best event occurred.

The setting: Red Lobster in the early 80s.
The characters: My family: Mom, Dad, big sis, and even my two big brothers were there. I think. And me, of course..

Anyway, we had all ordered our food. My mom had ordered for me and decided to get me the kiddie version of fish and chips. Now, I'm a big fan of fish. I could eat it close to every night of the week. It's yummy and good for you...but as a four-year-old, I'm really not sure how much of a fan I was. On top of that, I was (still am) a very bad eater. If I didn't want to eat something, there was no one on the planet who could get me to eat it. I was also never hungry, so most of my meals were wasted. I was a bad person back then. I had absolutely no conscience or concern for the starving people of the world. Anyway, I digress.

My parents had ordered breaded mushrooms as an appetizer and I was popping them down like nobody's business. Then I asked what, exactly, I was eating. When I found out they were mushrooms, I spit the half-eaten one out of my mouth and onto the table. Daddy Bear did not find this amusing. Oops. So, no more mushrooms for me (after this night, I didn't eat another mushroom for ten whole years. Like fish, I now love them). Finally, our meals came out. My sibs and parents started chowing down on theirs while I sat there looking at my pathetically breaded fish and chips. I stuck a few fries in my mouth and continued to sit there looking disdainfully (well, as disdainfully as a four-year-old can look) at my plate. Finally, my mother started in on me, "Jamie, eat. This meal cost us a lot of money. Eat."

"No," I simply replied.

"Yes," she retorted.

"Jamie, eat your dinner," chimed in my father.

Suffice it to say that if there was someone on the face of the planet who could get me to eat, it would be my father. He could be scary when he wanted to be....still can.

I grudgingly put a few bites of the fish in my mouth and declared myself full.

Finally, my mother stops eating and looks at my plate. She grabs this white substance in the tiny container on my plate and says, "Eat this. It's fruit cocktail and I know you love fruit cocktail." I had never seen white fruit cocktail, but my mom did have a point. I did love fruit cocktail and was not one to just turn my back on fruit. I proceeded to take my spoon and get a huge, overloaded spoonful of the yummy, fruity goodness. I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth and slowly began to chew.

"Where are the chunks of fruit?" I thought. "Why does this taste like pickles?" "How come it tastes salty instead of sweet?" Finally, I voiced these questions out loud. My mother looked like she was about to explode.

"Give me your spoon!" she yelled. I handed it over and watched as my mother took a mouthful of the fruit cocktail.

Suddenly, her eyes bugged out and her face turned red. "Oh God," she said.

"What is it?" My family asked. We leaned closer to my mother.

She whispered, "That's not fruit cocktail. It's tartar sauce!"

Now, my mom had already turned me into a neurotic, paranoid freak by the time I was four (three words for you: Chuck E. Cheese), and even though I had absolutely no idea what tartar sauce was, I began to gag. And cry. Hard.

My mother whisked me away to the bathroom where she started apologizing profusely. Through my sobs, I managed to console her a bit, for I knew if I successfully played the role of the victimized daughter, a trip to the toy store would be right around the corner.

As I hiccuped and cried, my mother wiped away my tears and we returned to the table, where I was treated like a princess for the rest of the night. Obviously, my entire family new how traumatizing tartar sauce could be to a four-year-old.

After dinner, we took a trip to the mall.

I got a new doll.


Admin Note: Freakin' fabulous as always. Be sure to check out Daydream Believer.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I Have a Guest Week: O Is Me

Today's Guest Post is brought to you by Meg from O Is Me.

Meg chose a Food Recipe as her topic.

Outrageously Awesome Truffle Mac & Cheese

Hi, folks! I'm Meg O. and I hail from my humble blog:

I hope that you guys come and give me a visit sometime! A huge thank you to Jumble Mash for asking me to guest post over here! I am loving her blog!

So, let's get down to business, shall we?

I have the best friggin Mac & Cheese recipe of all time.
I recently blogged about Restaurant Week. My hubby and I dined at a swanky restaurant who was known for this mac & cheese and upon eating it, we knew we had to make it. Particularly for Thanksgiving. So we did some research on recipes, put one together we thought would be the best, and did a test run.

It was incredible. No, outrageously awesome. THE Truffle Mac & Cheese of a lifetime.

What is a truffle, you ask? Well, it's basically a fungus that grows from trees that is very similar to a mushroom, but waaaaaaay more expensive and tastier. There are different types of truffles with different flavors, but the most popular are white and black truffles. There are specially trained pigs that hunt these babies down and dig them up! They're like... special Piggie Truffle Hunters! Truffles are very highly esteemed and a huge delicacy. Far better than any mushroom you'll consume. In fact, I really don't like mushrooms, but I love truffles. However, I cannot afford truffles, seeing as how they can cost up to $1,000 per pound.

They aren't the prettiest looking devils, and do in fact resemble poop, but I assure you they are delicious.

The next best thing? Truffle oil. We got this small jar for about $13. It's black truffle oil, which is stronger and you do not have to use much to get the flavor into your cooking!

If you don't have access to buying the truffle oil in your city/town, you can purchase it on amazon here. Truffle oil can be pretty reasonable. If you have no idea what you're looking for, be sure to ask a professional at a gourmet food store or you can e-mail me if you plan to buy online. Another somewhat exotic ingredient for this recipe is Japanese (panko) bread crumbs. We used a Japanese brand, but it looks like Progresso makes them and could be accessed at most grocery stores.

Anyway, here's the recipe! It is based off of one we found on and another one here.

O. Family Outrageously Awesome Truffle Mac & Cheese
1 lb cavatappi pasta cooked al dente (it's way prettier than macaroni)
1 and ¼ sticks of butter
¾  cup chopped red onion
2 Tbsp minced garlic
½ cup flour
16 oz. block white aged cheddar, shredded
½ cup parmesean cheese, shredded
1 cup skim milk
½ cup half & half
¾ cup heavy whipping cream
¼ cup chopped fresh basil, thyme and rosemary
cracked black pepper (to taste)
1 Tbsp and 1 tsp black truffle oil (this is to your preference - start with 1 Tbsp and if that's enough for you, stop there. We were feeling a bit adventurous so I added one more teaspoon. You may have to use more oil if you are using white truffle oil and the taste is a little milder. I suggest black. It's stronger and you use less of it, so the dish doesn't become too oily.)
Splash white wine (about ¼ cup)
½ cup (or more) Japanese panko bread crumbs

Add butter to large pot over medium-high heat. Saute the onions and garlic until they turn slightly brown. Add the flour and whisk together for 3 minutes to make a blonde roux (What's a "roux"? Click on the link for more info). Whisk in the milk and a splash of white wine and bring to a boil, stirring constantly to prevent the roux from burning. You may have to keep adding in skim milk if you think it's looking a little too "flour-y". Just eyeball it. Cook until the roux has dissolved completely and you can no longer taste the flour. Add the fresh herbs, the truffle oil, the cheddar, cooked cavatappi, and half of the parmesean until dissolved. Season with cracked black pepper (to taste). Put ingredients into a baking dish. Sprinkle bread crumbs and remaining parmesean cheese on top evenly. Place under a broiler until top becomes golden brown.

Photos from our recipe:

The ingredients we use
 Greg and I with our ingredients (Yes, I like to take pictures of/with food)

What our blonde roux looked like
 Before the broiler

After the broiler
nom nom nom

Bon Appétit!

Thank you for letting me share! Have a happy Thursday and hope to see you around at my blog!

Meg O.

Admin Note: Mmmm, sounds yummy! Make sure you go over to O Is Me and check out her other awesomeness.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I Have A Guest: Long Distance Love Affair

Next up is Miss Innocent from Long Distance Love Affair.

Miss Innocent has chosen topic # 1...Marriage/Relationships

On single or being single - God may be slow, but He is never too late :)

"Look at us. running around. Always Rushed. Always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race. What we crave the most is connection. For some people it happens at first sight. It's when you know, you know. It's faith working it's magic. Well that's great for them. But that's not how it really works. For the rest of us it's a bit less romantic. It's complicated. It's messy. It's about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities. And not being able to say, what you need to say, when you need to say it."- from the movie "The Switch"

Hello guys, I'm Miss Innocent and I have a blog which is Long Distance Love Affair. Jumblemash actually made me choose from 5 topics on which to make a guest post about. It wasn't that easy but then I thought, my blog is mostly about my love life so might as well guest post about LOVE right? lol. I'm not an expert, nor do I work for Dr. Love and not all of you might have a love life to be interested in the topic anyway. But what I do know is that the post that I'm going to share is something that all of us can relate.

finding "the one"

To tell you the truth, I'm not really the type of girl who collected boyfriends. To be honest, unlike most girls I knew, I never had a single boyfriend back in high school or even before. I had my first boyfriend when I graduated high school at 17. And I wouldn't even know if he counted as a boyfriend since we only lasted for 2 weeks and we barely saw each other because my father grounded me when he found out. LOL. My second boyfriend was in college and it was my first or longest commitment I ever had. Eighth months. I wouldn't know if you would consider that a long commitment, but hey... it WAS for me! My third boyfriend was AFTER college. Well... he's my current boyfriend now. And we just had our 2nd year anniversary last Saturday, September 11, 2010. With that I have told you that I only had THREE boyfriends out of these twenty-two years.

Again, unlike my other friends... they HAD TONS.

I won't say that I'm ugly but if you must judge, hey... my class chose me to be a candidate of our school's pageant! I won't say much details what happened about that pageant because that's some history I want to keep in pandora's box (lol).

So anyway... I had a lot of admirers.

But I never had a boyfriend.

Not because I had high maintenance or I turned them down.

But because no one actually courted me. *blech*

I would always say... I was the type for guys to have a crush on, but never was the type that they would woo.

I had a couple of crushes, or mutual understandings... And I KNEW, a lot of boys had a crush on me too... but I never had any chance to be in any kind of commitment.

I would always tell my girlfriends that my motto was: "Why have one? When you can have many?" I had a lot of girls getting jealous because I was hanging out with their crushes and their suitors. My girlfriends would just agree and envy, because I got to hang out and be one of the boys anytime I wanted. And on events, I would drag my attached best friends with me and pretend to have a singles day out, hunting for boys to flirt with. I would almost forget that they had a boyfriend.

I had so much belief and self-esteem in myself that my friends actually tell me "I wish I was single like you."

But little did they knew.. that I did not want to be single. I wanted to have a boyfriend too.



People always say, "there are lots of fishes in the sea". I would say,"Why fish? When you can dive?"

But not all of us are the lucky ones are we? There are just those girls who would have suitors lining up for them and there are just those girls who would have boyfriends one after another. While some of us, stay single as the same.

I guess, what I'm about to say is going to be a b.s. of cliche. But I just have to say it myself.

It's all about the timing.

I've explained in my first blog post, how fast my boyfriend and I got together. It's like I met him today... and tonight we're a couple. We've had our own obstacles, and we've had our moments of questioning ourselves. But in the end we always had the same results, we just had to get back together. 

I do not know if he is "the one" nor did I expect that we were going to last for more than a couple of months. But now we just had our second anniversary. And even though we are not physically together, we are still committed to one another. Talk about love at second sight. Talk about just going with life's "flow".

And I've learned in the process, never to push it. We have to learn our limitations when to stop. Because if we do force things to happen, we only end up getting the wrong results. I would say "God may be slow... but He is never late."

And you know what? .... Remember those friends who had one boyfriend after another?  Who had tons of suitors every now and then? Well they still do have a lot of suitors, I am still envious. But not one of those suitors were the type that my friends would want to have a "long term commitment" with. Every time I meet my friends, it's just a different new boyfriend. Some of them were just passing and I didn't had the chance to meet.

One of my friends actually told me that she's happy that I have a boyfriend now. And she's happier because I have the same boyfriend for so long. I told her "I thought you enjoy dating and flirting with various men?". She said, "I do, but because I have no choice. None of them are a long term commitment type"

 "Look at us. running around. Always Rushed. Always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race.   But sometimes, it slows down just as enough for all the pieces to fall into place. faith works it's magic. Every once in a while, in all the randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us all forward. And the truth is when I'm starting to think, when I'm starting to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all." - from the Movie "The Switch"

-the end-

Admin Note: Yeah...see why I love her? Go there...right now!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Too Cute Not To Share

I Have a Guest Week: It's a Big Deal, It Is to Me

Today's Guest Post is brought to you by Jess from It's a Big Deal, It Is to Me.

Jess chose topic number 5...Bucket List.

When my blogging pal JM asked me to guest blog, I was super-excited. What a great opportunity! Not only is it fun (and an easy way for me to present my awesome blogging skills to potential followers), but who WOULDN’T want to read my stuff? I’m fantabulous.

I’ve decided that for this guest post I’m going to present to y’all my bucket list, only I gave it a different name:


Sounds better, yes?

So, here are the things that I really really really really really want to do before heading off to heaven to kick it with Jesus.

1. Punch Justin Bieber in the face. (I’ll have to wait a few years since he’s still a child, but I’m willing to wait. I’m also pretty sure I’ll still want to punch him in the face in three years.)

2. Stalk Johnny Depp (effectively) and consequently have a restraining order filed against me. (I’d so have that thing framed and hanging on my wall.)

3. Make out with Craig Ferguson, Mark Harmon and Ryan Reynolds.

4. Write a tell-all involving three A-list celebrities.

5. Spend a weekend in Vegas with Jim Carrey.

6. Sneak into Kristen Stewart’s home at night and write funny dirty words on her forehead while she’s sleeping.

7. See Aerosmith in concert. Preferably before Steven Tyler needs hip replacement.

8. Go out in public wearing nothing but 90s attire (spandex, neon shirt, faded denim jacket, white socks scrunched down and high tops that light up. Oh yes, and a scrunchie in my big frizzy hair.)

9. Walk through a drive-thru and actually be allowed to order food.

10. Give an emotional, encouraging speech in front of a large crowd and have it followed by the kind of applause that starts with one guy clapping really slowly, then people start to join in until everyone is standing, clapping and nodding.

11. Hire a band to follow me around all day providing music to go along with the various events of my day.

12. Have brunch (with mimosas) with John Cusack. Optional post-brunch make-out session allowed.

13. Join the mile-high club. Preferably on an international flight. Preferably in the middle of the day. Preferably with a handsome foreign stranger (it doesn’t count as cheating if you’re flying over water. I looked it up).

14. Win a karaoke contest with my rendition of “Endless Love.”

15. Be in the audience for a “Friends” reunion. And chill with the cast afterwards. And make out with Ross. Or Joey. Aw, hell, I’d even make out with Chandler.

I know this isn’t your typical bucket list, but honestly, who really cares if I write a poem or have my novel published or travel to Paris? Nobody. It’s the weird stuff you get remembered for. So, the next time you see a chubby chick streaking across the screen during an NFL game, look closely, because it just might be me.

Admin Note: {Watching NFL game very closely} Ahem...Jess is always this awesome...go check out her out!!!

It is a big deal,it is to me!

Monday, September 13, 2010

I Have A Guest Week: Cynicism isn't an Option...It's a lifestyle

So this week, I have asked 5 fellow blogging ladies to help me. I asked them each to be a guest blogger and their only restrictions where that they had to choose one of the following 5 topics to write about.

1. Marriage/Relationships
2. Food Recipe
3. Book Review
4. A Funny Story About Yourself
5. A Bucket List

To my pure delight, they have chosen to participate in my "I Have A Guest" week. First up, Molly from Cynicism isn't an Option...It's a lifestyle.

She has chosen topic number 4. A funny story (stories in this case) about yourself. Enjoy!

Moron is Spelled M-O-L-L-Y

It's not easy when the Fate Fairy has made you her official pet ("Dance, monkey, dance!"), but a combination of her patronage and an abominable lack of common sense will result in occurrences that will both entertain your therapist's friends for hours at her dinner parties, and find you rocking back and forth and chewing on your own hair in the middle of the night as those events play back in slow motion through your mind, complete with cackling laughter from imaginary judges.

Please regard the following incidents as tales of caution. I'm sure that most of you are not mentally-challenged socially inept brain-dead enough to do this stuff. Fortunately, for your entertainment purposes, I am.

1. Don't honk indignantly at someone who is slowly jaywalking at a busy intersection to try and speed them up in order for you to hasten home to your tantalizing 'Stouffer's Dinner for One'. That person might be older than Methuselah. That person might also fall over, look up at you with Bambi eyes, and make you feel like the biggest arsehole ever to walk the planet. You will spend looooonnggg nights wondering if you have caused the old fossil mental anguish, and experience an overwhelming desire to don sackcloth and ashes for purposes of atonement.

2. Don't absentmindedly rest your cigarette on your iPhone whilst you are hoisting your gimpy dog up onto the couch. It will burn the screen, leaving an amber discoloration, transforming your most prized possession into officially the most white-trash thing that you own... apart from the 6" platform knee high boots... but we don't need to talk about those...

3. Don't lock up the office for the night and assume you are the only smoker remaining in the building. There is a good chance that you will lock your coworker outside on the balcony, causing him to yell down at you in the parking lot, identifying you as a ditz to the rest of your coworkers, and causing the coworker that you locked out there to have a 'Close Encounter of the Brown Pants Kind' because he doesn't have his cell phone on him to call for help.

4. Don't briefly correct a spelling error that someone has pointed out to you on your blog during work hours, and answer the phone whilst you are still thinking about it. You will answer the phone, "Good afternoon, thank you for calling 'Life of Cynicism', how can I help it?" You will feel and sound like a complete dipshit, and you can't hit 'delete' on a telephone conversation.

5. When asked for the time by a man attending a conference in your office, don't grab your boobs. There is no reason to grope your own breasts in this situation. You are not a nurse, so you don't have a watch on a pin there. The thing you are looking for is your computer - it has the time right there on the screen. Or just throw caution to the wind, go hog-wild, and look at the clock above the enquirer's head. Your nipples can't tell the time - as perky as they may be, they are not the arms of a sundial, and honking your own hooters in the office will have a twofold reaction:

1. You will feel as though you are going to expire from sheer embarrassment, and
2. The man in question won't be able to take his eyes off your tits for the rest of the day. If his pupils were superglued to your brassiere, they couldn't spend any more time there.

6. Don't lock your front door at night and forget to unlock it in the morning, especially when you don't have a key.When you get home for lunch, you will find yourself locked out, and also discover that you have been more diligent than usual in locking all your windows. In jumping over the back fence, you will fall off the brick you are using as a step ladder and scrape your forehead, knees and elbows on the wall.It will look as though you have been in a car accident, when the sad truth is that you have the grace and poise of Goofy. Oh, and when you manage to get into the house, remember to unlock the door before you leave. That way, you won't be doing this all over again at 5pm when you find yourself in the same position you were at lunchtime.

I'm going to see if I can get through today without doing something utterly brainless. If I were a betting man (and I am neither), I would stake my entire fortune ($54.21) on my inability to function as a normal human being for the next 24 hour period. A friend once said to me, "You're the dumbest smart person I know". I think that's a fair summation.

Molly, out.

Admin Note: Freaking hilarious right? Molly is sure to check her out.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Say What?

While blogging the other day...a certain blog on My Blog List was teasing me immensely. Well...see for yourself.

Every time I logged on to see who has or hasn't updated, I was met with that! At first, I was like, "Seriously? A blog about vagina tightening?" and then I thought, "Well, maybe the title is just a joke." Finally, the curiosity got the best of me and I just had to click on it.

And yes. It is indeed a blog about getting surgery done on your vagina to make it tighter.

As if women don't have enough to worry about. Isn't it the guy's job to worry about whether the sex is good or not anyways?

Here is a little piece of information from the blog...

And as more and more women share the benefits and their experience, more and more doctors are eager to perform the surgery.

This increased competition has lead to a wide range of doctors (with differing levels of skill) offering tightening for a wide range of prices.

As such, it is extremely important that you thoroughly research your doctor.

Yes, please research the doctor that is going to "rejuvenate" your lady parts.

Note: I have nothing against this or any blog that is trying to help women with whatever crazy endeavours we come up with next. I do however have a problem with the whole concept of vaginal rejuvenation. And pretty much any cosmetic surgery for that matter. Woman are beautiful and we, ourselves need to start accepting that.


Please be sure to check out Jumble Mash all of next week. I have dubbed it, I Have A Guest Week! That's right, everyday a different blog author will post something on my blog. I have 5 wonderful ladies lined up and you all are in for a treat!

I am so super excited about this, I can barely contain myself!