Giggle, Wiggle, and Jiggle

It is Thursday, right? My days are so confused. I was off work on Monday and am off work again tomorrow, so today actually seems like Friday, but I'm pretty sure it's Thursday. *Sigh*

Anyways...I thought I had a post ready today and I searched and searched my draft folder and couldn't find one, so please forgive me. This is very thrown together.

Amy won the Giggle Button trivia by answering the question What is the most popular New Year's resolution in the United States today? correctly. It was indeed to lose weight. Go click on the button and see where it takes you!

We are actually going to have a poll this week. *Gasp.* I know, I haven't had one in like two weeks or more, but I am trying to get my shit together.

Who would you rather go on a date with?

And today I am recommending

Southhamsdarling

Thisisme is unbelievably sweet and takes amazing photographs of the world around her. Go check her out and tell her who sent you!

Catching up

First I would like to thank Simple Dude for taking care of Jumble Mash yesterday. He did a lovely job, didn't he? Also thank you to everyone that made him feel welcome!  AND thank you to everyone that came over from his blog! I hope you stick around!

Now down to business. I'm going to skip Wee Bit Wednesdays today because I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in forever!! How was everyone's Christmas?

Mine? It was fabulous! I got everything and I asked for and then some, but most importantly, I got to see my family. We had sooo much fun. Oh and Boyfriend got me Nintendo Monopoly! And a beautiful Coach ring that he made me go on a scavenger hunt to find. It was awesome and I asked if we could make it a tradition.

Also my Christmas Eve completely turned around. It started out not so well, but then, I got my iPad (thank again Dad!) working correctly, I tuned my new guitar ALL BY MYSELF, Boyfriend got to come home early from work, and it stopped snowing long enough for us to make it to all the Christmas parties. Oh and I didn't lock myself out in the cold anymore.

Now to the iPad. Do any of you play Words with Friends? If so, email me (jumbemash@gmail.com) and tell me your user name! We will totally play!

And since I just didn't do totally forgot to do the trivia yesterday...here we go...

What is the most popular New Year's resolution in the United States today?

As always, first to answer correctly gets to choose the Giggle Button occupant for the week.

Two more questions just for fun. What is the best thing you got for Christmas? What is the worst?

I'm elsewhere today, but that's ok, someone is filling in for me.

Today I'm over at Jess' place talking about my favorite TV shows. Ya'll should go over there, because well, I asked nicely? Oh and because Jess rocks. And because you all should watch what I watch. No? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

Also, I thought that Jumble Mash needed some male perspective. I mean, I have had guest bloggers, but never of the male variety. And since I've been a sucky blogger the last few days, I've asked Simple Dude to take over for me. And seriously, if you aren't following him, you are going to be eaten alive by dinosaurs. Mean ones. Yeah, you don't want that.

I'll shut up now (honestly, I got my nails done yesterday and I like how they feel on the keyboard).

...over to you Simple Dude.

I'm going to make a quick assumption about the readers here at Jumble Mash in that many of you have either visited my blog, read a post of mine or at least have seen one of my comments left here or on other blogs.  If not, you must live under a rock because I comment all over the place.  I call myself the Simple Dude based on my blog name - Simple Dude in a Complex World.  I can be a real smart ass and somewhat cynical, so keep that in mind as you read this.  And in reality I am probably not as Simple as I'd like folks to believe - in some ways I'm downright Complex. 

I've considered trying a flip-side blog, calling it Complex Dude in a Simple World because, lets face it, the majority of the population is made up of morons.  No, not Mormons.  Mormons are a very small minority who live in Utah.  They refuse to dance but love bicycles.  And Mormons sure do spend a hell of a lot of money on TV commercials lately don't they?  Anyway.. back to the post.  I'm talking about MORONS here.  I lived next to Mr. & Mrs. Moron themselves for about five years and I wrote a couple posts about them.  These two peeps are the perfect example of how the world is full of dumb people.  They would ask me stupid questions all the time and I eventually got really sick of answering them, so for the last year I lived there I would entertain myself by telling them ridiculous things. 

I once had Mr. Moron nearly convinced that there was going to be a full solar eclipse in a couple days and that he would need to buy some sunscreen since the chance of a sunburn was far greater during an eclipse.  Seriously.  And when I decided he wasn't quite buying what I was selling (although he thought about it a lot) I said "Oh, I'm just kidding!" with a laugh as I always would after messing with him.  I think he was convinced I liked him and we were best friends since I messed with his head so much. 

The Moron couple are just two examples of the idiot masses in this world.  There is a local radio host here that says 7 out of 10 people in the world are not worth talking to..  basically because they are stupid.  He says it as a silly bit, trying to be funny.  And it's probably exaggerated but not by very much.  Next time you are at the mall or Target or any place with a large group of people, look around you.  I mean really look closely at your fellow citizens.  You'll see your share of morons.  But also yokels, dipshits, slapdicks, jagoffs, hilljacks, fucktards, dense dolts and brainless bumpkins.  They are everywhere.

Then when you get home turn on the news or read some of the top stories on your favorite website for current events.  The ratio of stories about dumb people outweigh the ones about something smart someone did by at least 4 to 1.

I'm not saying I'm some kind of genius or scholar.  Hell, there are probably spelling or grammatical errors right here in this post.  But I use my common sense a little more then most people and I think I have above average intelligence.  Unfortunately when I look at society, me being above "average" is probably not saying much. 

Not much we can do about any of this, it's just a sad observation.  Do you agree with me?  No?  Then you are probably one of the 7 out of 10.  :) 

SD

It can start feeling like Christmas Eve any minute now

I've had a very rough Christmas Eve morning. I know I shouldn't complain because a lot of other people have it a lot worse than I do, but I'm about to go crazy.

First, I woke up at 7:00 am on my day off.

Then the dog needed outside. So I took him out the back door and hooked him up to his runner so he could play while I went inside and started downloading iTunes for my new iPad. Yeah, I got an iPad from Dad and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. However, I do not like Apple...especially their support system.

Back to that in a minute. So, I walk back up the porch stairs to go back inside and immediately realize that the door is frozen shut. Ice had leaked onto the screen door handle and was not budging.

I knew that the front door was locked, but I had a spare key hidden. So I dug through 6-7 inches of snow and found the rock I had hidden the key under. I unlocked the door only to realize that the chain was latched, too.

And they make these so that strangers can't just reach in and unlock them.

So there I was standing with my arm in the door pulling at this chain that was not budging in the freezing cold and snow...in my pajamas.

I was able to reach my keys on the stand next to the door. I walked around back and tried to chisel away the ice from the door with my car key. The only thing I was doing was giving my fingers frost bite.

So back around to the front door I went. I started yanking on the chain again and realized that it was nailed into the door frame.

Of course, the door frame had to come off.

I pried the door frame away from the wall only using a Toyota car key. Then I was able to squeeze in and under the chain. As soon as I took my shoes off, the dog was ready to come back inside.

Once in the warm house I unlocked all of the doors just in case it should happen again and then proceeded to set up my iPad. Every time I tried to enter a method of payment for the iTunes store it would tell me to contact support. I entered 3 different cards. It did it every time.

Then I had the enjoyment of spending an hour on the phone with some dude that barely spoke English and could not figure out what was going wrong. I still haven't been able to play with my iPad.

But it is Christmas Eve and I'm determined to have a good one. Boyfriend, Bowen, and I say Merry Christmas everyone.

Giggle, Wiggle and Jiggle

I have a story to share before we get into Giggle, Wiggle, and Jiggle. After reading Steph's blog and some others, I wanted to share with you my tale of learning that Santa wasn't real.

Once upon a time, when I was a young child around the age of eight, I heard a clatter in the kitchen.

I went out to investigate, thinking that maybe I would get to see Santa once and for all.

There, standing in the kitchen was my oldest step brother (about 13 at the time)  with Santa's cookies in his mouth and Santa's milk in his hand. And under the tree were presents that hadn't been there when I'd gone to sleep.

Me: What are you doing?

Brother: Ugh, Santa forgot to eat them.

Me:  Santa never forgets his cookies.

Brother: He, ugh, the reindeer, they... {he pauses and tries to think of something clever. then his face lights up because he's come up with something good.} He doesn't exist.

Me: Who doesn't?

Brother: Santa. The Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy. None of them.

Me: And how do you know?

Brother: Because, I'm older and all the older kids know these things.

Me: Did Mom tell you?

Brother: No, my dad did.

Me: Why didn't they tell me?

Brother: Because you are still a baby.

Me: I am not.

Then I proceeded to kick him, take his cookies and go back to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I was furious at my mom for not telling me the truth. Not so much that Santa wasn't real, but because I wasn't let in on the secret. My step brother got in sooooo much trouble.

When did you stop believing in Santa? Do you remember what happened?


Now, getting back to business. Can I change the rules to the award I created? Of course I can. It's my award.

Rules

1. Thank the person that gave you the award
2. Tell a funny story to accept the award...or at least a joke.
3. Only pass onto ONE other blogger.
4. Now stand up and do a happy dance.


So today instead of just doing a recommendation, I am going to give my award out. I have so many blogs in mind that I want to pass this along to, but since I've made the rule of only giving it to one person, I have chosen....

Talkative Taurus

If you haven't already, go check her out. She makes me laugh with her stories and even her comments crack me up.

Now, for the first time in a long time, I am choosing the Giggle Button occupant. Go check it out!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. I cannot believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve! I'm having Christmas at Dad's tonight and I CANNOT wait.

Bloggy Friends

Either Wee Bits is going to be late today or its just not gonna happen. But I did want to share with you all a treat I got via email today. Barb sent me this wonderful Christmas card.

It had music too. Isn't it adorable?

This is why I love my blogging friends so much. They all take time out of their busy days just to leave you a comment or send you amazing reminders that they are thinking of you. Even a little love goes a long way. 

Thank you so much Barb. You made my day!

You wanted pie. You've got pie.

I had a few people ask me the recipe to my 60 second pie and since I never get asked for recipes I am going to share it with you today! Someone at the Christmas party yesterday even asked how I made it! It is pretty yummy.

 I'm not sure, but I think its called Graham Cracker Pie. But everyone should call it Jumble Pie because that would be AWESOME.

Ok, Step 1. Go to the grocery store.

You need to buy a graham cracker pie crust. Or you could make your own, but I have no idea how to do that so I can't help you there.

Then buy some pudding. It can be any kind, but I use vanilla. I think the next time I make it I will use french vanilla though, just to mixed things up a bit. But either way, you'll need either two boxes of instant pudding (of course the instant pudding takes a little longer),

Or a can of pudding.

I used the can the first time, but I liked the instant pudding better.
Buy a tub of whip cream. (I just Googled images of whip cream and it was sooo not suitable for work.)

Buy a small box of graham crackers. You only need a half a graham cracker, so don't go crazy.

Step 2. Make the pudding if you buy instant.

Step 3. Pour the pudding into the pie crust.

Step 4. Cover pudding in a layer of whip cream. You can put as much or as little whip cream as you'd like.

Step 5. Put half of a graham cracker in a zip lock bag and crush it. I used a spoon to smash it into little graham cracker dust.

Step 6. Sprinkle the crumbs onto the top of the pie.

Step 7. Refrigerate for a couple of hours.

Step 8. Enjoy!

Not an actual Graham Cracker pie, but it looks similar.

La La Land

When I asked for suggestions a while ago, a couple of people that I actually know in real life told me that I had to tell ya’ll about my wisdom teeth extraction. This post has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I kinda completely forgot about it.

I barely remember that entire day, but apparently it’s pretty good, so BFF helped me write the whole thing.

Two of my wisdom teeth had actually really started to bother me and when I went to the dentist, he decided to just take all four of them out and get it over with. Ok, fine with me. I get good drugs and a couple days off work. See, that’s how my mind works. I don’t get scared or get anxious about the thought of having teeth extracted from my mouth...I look at the bright side. Such an optimist.

Anyways, I sat in the dentist chair and he had previously asked me if I wanted to be awake through the whole deal and I said, “No, I think I’m gonna have to pass on that, although you do seem like good company.”

So he hooked me up to an IV that let some magical liquid into my body that put me into what he referred to as a “Twilight Sedation.” He said I would be able to talk to him and actually be awake but I wouldn’t feel any pain and probably wouldn’t remember. He told me to count backwards from 10 and I got to 6.

“Breathe. Tress, you have to breathe.”

I opened my eyes and sucked in a huge breath (I have no idea why I stopped breathing) as the nurse insisted that I continue breathing. Then I started crying my eyes out. I was so confused and disoriented that I could do nothing but cry. My mouth was full of cotton- that much I could tell, but everything was pretty much numb.

My mother had to pick me up since I obviously couldn’t drive in my condition and as I was walking to check out I kept telling her to stop holding onto me “because I am a grown woman and can walk on my own.” Then I proceeded to hug the wall. And I don’t mean I held onto the wall to help me walk. Nope, I just spun around, threw my arms out, hugged the damn wall and just stood there.

When she finally got me to the nurses’ station, the nurse handed her my prescription and I said, “I don’t want that. Give me medicine.” They had to convince me that the piece of paper magically turned into a bottle of medicine when I took it to the pharmacy.

While my mom ran into the pharmacy to fill my prescription, my step dad sat in the car with me where I had drool and blood running down my chin. He then pulled out my aftercare instructions and started reading them to me. I looked at him with all seriousness and said “Get to the good part.” He of course asked what part I was speaking of and I said, “The part about the tobacco and alcohol. When can I smoke?”

When he told me I had to wait three days, I started crying again. Then I realized that I still had a bandage on my hand. I poked the bandage and it hurt. So I looked at my step dad and said, “They left the IV in me. Let’s go back.”

My step dad laughed and played along. He said, “They sure did. We will sue them. Here, I’ll take it out for you.”

I threw my hand in his face, nearly busting his lip so that he could pull the bandage off and pretend to remove the IV needle.

I looked down at my hand and proceeded to thank him endlessly for saving my life. I even told him that I would have probably developed an STD (don’t ask me!) from it if he hadn’t removed it.

We finally got back to my apartment where my mom gave me some of my new happy pills and tried to make me go to sleep on the couch. But all I wanted to do was eat. I could think of nothing but getting something to stop the rumbling in my stomach.

Of course, those asshole dentists said I couldn’t eat anything solid, so pudding it was! My mom actually had to feed it to me because I couldn’t even locate my own hands. Then I kept falling asleep with the pudding in my still numb mouth. The pudding basically went into my mouth, down my chin and rested comfortably on my shirt. But every time my mom would try to put the pudding away I would yell that I was hungry.

So after maybe getting a small spoon full from the whole pudding cup, I looked at her and said, “Oh shit, Mom. They left the IV in so that you could feed me through it and Step Dad already took it out. Oh shit.”

My step dad had to explain the whole thing to her in between his fits of laughter. I started crying again because I thought I was going to starve to death and the only means I had of food intake had been removed.

I don’t remember what happened after that, but sometime later, I actually remember my mom saying, “Want me to move him?”

I looked up at her and her dancing twin and tried to understand what she was saying. She kept pointing down and I saw her mouth moving but I just didn’t understand what she meant. But I finally looked down to see my 90 pound dog lying on top of me. I hadn’t even known he was there. I smiled at him, patted him on the head, and drifted back into La La Land (ever been there? It’s fantastic!).

My BFF brought movies over that night after I had woken up and was a little more coherent, or so I thought. I thought we were having a long conversation, but she just kept looking at my strangely. I just thought maybe she was an intent listener and had questions ready for when I was finished. So I kept on talking away. It felt like I had talked for an hour, but in reality it was only minutes, when she finally said, “I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about, but there is no IV needle in your hand.”

We actually watched two movies that night that I had to watch again the next day because I had no memory of them.

I really want some of that stuff again.

Half-Assed Weekend

I'm taking Simple Dude's approach today and doing a Half-Assed post. If you EVER need a laugh, go over there and follow him. You can also join in on the Half-Assed Weekends.

• I began sorting my Christmas gifts by person today and realized I've lost one of my little sister's presents. I've torn the house apart and cannot find it. I am torn between thinking someone stole it and thinking that I never actually bought it.
• I went to a graduation party last night. Dad was there for a while, but after he left, I hardly knew anyone. I decided to leave and upon exiting the venue, Hubby and Fill-In Boyfriend walked in. We had a blast. Then a girl I just met that happened to be a lesbian got really drunk and kept trying to use my boobs as pillows.
• Dad got me a new XM transmitter for my birthday. He installed it today. I do not want to ever leave my car.
• I swear to you that I'm watching Toy Story right now.
• I should be watching The Office, but I cannot concentrate on blogging while Jim in on screen.
• My office Christmas party is tomorrow. I made a pie that consists of whip cream and vanilla pudding and Boyfriend ate the whole thing. I had to make another one. He thinks it is the greatest thing in the world and it literally took me 60 seconds to make.
• For all of you that are taking the week off for the holidays, have a wonderful super duper week and I'll see ya next week. Merry Christmas.

Coyotes may or may not eat my heart

Upon driving through treacherous weather conditions the other day, I came home to realize that the only one that cared if I made it home safely was my dog, Bowen. I don’t think he actually knew the roads were bad, but he was COMPLETELY thrilled to see me. (Ok, maybe he is every day, but that doesn’t matter. Shut up.)


So I texted Boyfriend and said, “I made it home. Don’t worry.”

His response? “I wasn’t worried.”

Me: Well thanks a billion.

BF: I trust your driving skills.

Me: Bullshit. I could have been stuck in a ditch somewhere and no one would have ever known. Except Bowen and he can’t even call anybody to let them know I’m missing.

BF: Don’t be silly, I would know if you were missing.

Me: It would be too late then.

We left it at that, and when he got home, we sat down for some tomato soup and grilled cheeses for dinner. Then he brought the subject up again.

BF: Seriously, honey, I do worry about you. I figured if something happened, you would call.

Me: How would I call if I got into a car wreck and died? Or worse, got hurt really bad or became paralyzed? Or lost an arm, a leg, or even both legs and both arms?

BF: You would rather die?

Me: Of course. I value my life, but I do not want to be paralyzed. But with my luck, I’d end up with third degree burns all over my body, paralyzed, or I’ll have smashed my brain and they will have had to do brain surgery on me and my hair would never grow back and I would have a huge scar across my forehead forever. I will be shown no mercy.

BF: ....

Me: Not that I’m vain. I could live with the scar and I could buy a wig. Holy crap, what if I wreck and no one finds me and then coyotes break into my car and eat my heart because I’m trapped under the steering wheel. I would be eaten alive before anyone would even know I was missing.

BF: Coyotes won’t break into your car and eat your heart.

Me: You don’t know.

BF: You’re right, I don’t.

Me: And if I get in a wreck because of the freakin’ snow, I want you to kill it.

BF: Kill the snow?

Me: Yes.

BF: Alright, I will kill the snow.

Me: Thank you. That’s all I ask.

I'm going to star in a movie with Vince Vaughn called Blog Crashers

Krissy let me crash her blog today. You should totally check it out if you'd like to read a story about Dad and me. Krissy is awesome...so you may just end up staying a while!

I don't have anything to complain about today. Shocked? So am I.

It's Friday and I have nothing to rant about because I've had such an awesome week. Boyfriend made me an awesome birthday dinner last night and I got a bottle of red wine from work and although I don't drink wine often, we indulged.  Not to mention when I logged on this morning, I reread all of the wonderful birthday wishes you all left for me and it put me in an awesome mood. I think I'll print them out and read them every day or when I'm having a bad day. Thank you so much everyone.

I've decided to do the Post-It note thingy that you see on other blogs today to share with you some random thoughts since I really have nothing to complain about today.

Birthday Giggle, Wiggle and Jiggle

Well, today I am officially 25 years old. I have many mixed emotions about it. I know ya'll are gonna say, "But 25 years old is not old," and I love you all for trying to make me feel better, but I do feel old. Well, not old really, I feel unaccomplished. Like, shouldn't I have and be more by this age? Should I be a wife and mother? Should I own my own home by now? Should I be in a better career by now? Sigh.

On the other hand, its my freakin' birthday and I'm excited. I have no idea what Boyfriend has in store for me when I get home, but I am SUPER excited. And my boss is letting me go home a couple hours early. AND MY SISTER GOT ME A PENGUIN PILLOW PET. (Have I mentioned she is pretty random? Last year I got her a gumball machine for Christmas. She loved it. One year for my birthday she got me mounds of Play-Doh)

It's going to be a good day.

Ok, moving right along. I wanted to know when you all started your Christmas shopping and these are the answers I got.

I cannot believe some of you haven't even started! I would be in panic mode. I usually start right after Thanksgiving because I'm always afraid I'm going to have to go through some extensive situation to get a certain gift and it wouldn't arrive on time for Christmas. So I start early. This year I believe I started the first week of December and I was officially done shopping last week. For those of you that shop all year long or started even earlier than December...you get 10 points that mean absolutely nothing, but Hooray for you!

Today I am recommending...

The Giggle Fest

Lyndylou is truly an inspiring person. Wanna know why? Well hop on over there and see for yourselves. I cannot help but be captivated by all that she writes.

And finally, since Cap'n Kyrie broke down the 12 Days of Christmas, she has chosen the Giggle Button Occupant today. Go click and see where it takes you!

P.S.No poll this week. I will probably too busy to even do Giggle, Wiggle and Jiggle. Three Christmas gatherings that day! Holy crap next week is Christmas!

Wee Bit Wednesday

{one} did you buy a christmas tree this year?

Yes I did. I don't think I'll ever take it down :)

{two} what is your favorite holiday tradition?

Christmas at Dad's house. We usually wake him up in the wee hours of the morning and he lets us open presents and I always feel like a big kid because he goes ALL out. The stalkings are the best part because he puts really random crap in there. Like last year, among other things, I got a bottle of Midol, a Hannah Montana hair brush, a lump of coal, and like 6,000 tubes of chap stick.

{three} do you open your gifts on christmas eve or christmas day?

Both. I have three family get-togethers to attend between the 23rd and the 24th. Then on Christmas day, I have three more to go to. Gifts at all of them. Boyfriend and I will exchange gifts on Christmas morning.

{four} at what age did you stop believing in santa claus?

What do you mean? Santa isn't real?

{five} do you fill stockings?

Nope. Our stockings are empty. We let Dad handle those at his house.

{six} handmade presents or store bought presents?

Either. Honestly, I just like unwrapping stuff and the thoughtfulness is enough.

{seven} do you have a favorite christmas meal?

Ok, every year at my grandma's house I mix mashed potatoes, turkey, turkey gravy and a crumbled up homemade roll in a bowl and eat it. That's usually all I have, but its THE best thing ever.

{eight} is your christmas tree real or artificial?

Fake. I don't think a real tree will come into play until I start having kids.

{nine} what is your favorite christmas song?

I love the Hippopotamus song and Little Drummer Boy

{ten} did you send out christmas cards this year?

No I sure didn't.

Friends in high places

I was reading Talkative Taurus the other day and she wrote a post about her hot dentist. I commented about how my BFF is my dental hygienist and it got me thinking. I think I subconsciously choose my friends because they can provide something for me that I cannot. So here is a list of friends you should have because they come in handy.

Dental Hygienist- I am normally terrified of the dentist. Like I'd rather be tattooed from head to toe than to go to the dentist. But that was until BFF graduated dental school and became a hygienist. Now, its like going to visit her while she makes my smile nice and sparkly. When she hurts me, I yell at her. And I constantly ask her questions like "What are you doing now?" "Why does that taste so bad?" "Do you really have to use the stupid spit sucker?"  She normally laughs at me and tells me what the tools are for and skips the ones I don't like.  And she gives me lollipops.

Downside? She always asks if I'm flossing, which I rarely do. Then I gotta lie to her. But she knows I'm lying. Then she yells at me. Also, her teeth are absolutely perfect and it makes me wanna rip my teeth out and get new ones.

Mental Health Assistant- I don't know if that's her official title, but another lovely lady I call BFF works in the crisis unit at a mental health facility. She knows crazy. When I have one of those days when I feel like I'm going to go buy an oozie and end the world, she calms me down. She is also great at being rational and talking me out of my rants. I mean come on, she deals with seriously crazy people with suicidal and homicidal thoughts. She's know what she's talking about.

Downisde? She tries to council me in everything. Sometimes I just want her to listen and she brings on the psycho-babble.

Manager at Video Game store- Boyfriend runs a video game store. He gets to bring games home all the time to try out. If you are into gaming...this is the best thing ever. I don't have to spend $50.00 plus to decide if I like a game or not. Not to mention the discount I get when I do decide to buy something.

Downside? The first thing that came to mind was the amount of time he puts in at work, but if it were just your friend, you probably wouldn't care. So we'll go with the fact that he has been trying games for years and is better at every single one of them. It makes me angry.

Mechanic- It is always good to have a mechanic friend! You don't have to pay for pricey car repairs! My mechanic friend is ACTUALLY Dad's BFF, but he shares :)

Downside? Waiting for them to get around to it. If you aren't paying for it, or at least not paying full price, they usually don't put you at the top of their waiting list.

Construction worker- Hubby is a construction worker and when something around the house needs fixed, I can either call him and he talks me through it or he just comes over and fixes it. For free!

Downside? See mechanic.

Movie Theater person?- I have two friends that work at two different theaters in town, both let me in free!

Downside? If their boss is around, you can forget about the free movie.

And of course...

Awesome Bloggy Friends- So that when you are feeling uninspired, tired, blank, or just downright lazy, they can guest post for you. Not to mention, I have something to read all the time that usually makes me laugh. Sometimes makes me cry. A lot of the times makes me say hmm.

Downside? Their posts will probably be better than yours and then everyone will go to their blog and forget all about you. Ok...that hasn't happened yet, but I have had some awesome guest posts and it could have happened.

I'm still taking applications for a doctor friend, plumber friend, a cable company friend, and a computer genius. Please apply within.

P.S. No trivia today since I had two winners last week.

Listen To Mom

I'm taking the day off. For all of you that were concerned about my little sister, she is doing great and is home now. 

Anyways, thank you times a billion to Barb at This and That for guest posting. She delivered exactly what I had in mind! Enjoy!

First of all I want to say a huge THANK YOU to Jumble Mash for asking me to be a guest blogger. It's always a thrill to be asked to write for someone's blog.

What I thought I'd write today is a little different. Lately, I've been graced with compliments from many of the bloggers I follow in that they've referred to me as "like the mother I never had" or "my other mother". Maybe not those exact words but you get the point. I don't take those comments lightly. They bring tears to my eyes and since I love to help people and tell about my experiences in order to benefit someone I thought it would be fun to write some things about life from a mother's (and grandmother's) view and hope that you will use it either for yourself, your child or a good friend or sibling.

1.   Budget your money. One of the greatest things I ever learned was how to make a budget. Sit down and figure out exactly what you spend each month. Then divide that by how often you get paid. If you get paid weekly, divide that by four. If you get paid every two weeks, divide it by two. Figure in your rent, food, utilities, gasoline, anything that you pay regularly. Then add in extra for miscellaneous because there will always be some kind of emergency. Put this amount aside every payday and when your bill comes due, you have the money. It's so simple of a concept and yet hardly anyone follows it.

2.   Learn how to handle your finances. I worked in banking for over 20 years and was continuously trying to help people figure out their finances and to balance a checkbook. If you don't know how to do it, go to your bank and ask for help if you have a problem with bouncing checks or ATM fees and overdrafts. You will be one step ahead if you can understand what to do with your own money. I couldn't believe the number of college kids graduating with high honors who had no idea how to balance a checkbook. This should be taught in high school as a mandatory course.

3.   Save money regularly. Before you pay any bill, pay yourself first. Even if it's $20 a paycheck, it's something. The more money you make in your job/career, pay yourself more.

4.   Do not use credit cards when you don't have the money. The real purpose of credit cards is to build credit for buying a home or a car. Good credit comes from using a credit card when you have the actual money to pay for something and then paying the bill in full when it comes in.

5.   Don't ever let anyone lay their hands on you in any hurtful way. This one is probably geared more for the females but it could apply to males also. It has to do with dating/marriage. . Too many women are in abusive relationships because they allowed a guy to physically mistreat them. The guy apologizes and gets all lovey dovey and the gal falls right back into the losers arms and a pattern begins. I do know there are also men who are abused as well so listen up. The first time any one lays a hand on you END IT. There is no reason for it. It's unacceptable. And a person like that will do it AGAIN. You don't deserve it and someone better WILL come along. This I promise. You are too good for something like this.

6.   Use Birth Control. There's no excuse to have an unplanned baby in this day and age. There are clinics, doctors, support groups, counselors, etc. Unless you are married, financially stable and have lived life a little, don't get pregnant. You are not doing yourself or the child any good by not planning this one out. It's a mistake that lasts a lifetime and can cause a hard life for all when it's not necessary. For the girl, no guy is worth trapping with a child. It will only cause them to resent you and resent the child. For the guys, wear protection. You should anyway but wear it for birth control purposes. Don't rely on the girl to take care of it all. There is NO EXCUSE. Free condoms are everywhere. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to make a baby but you are not mature enough to be a parent.

7.   Take a self defense class. Learn how to protect yourself. Too many crimes are committed where the victim doesn't fight back. Be aware of your surroundings. Learn what to look for and how to prevent a crime. I bet the statistics on rape would be a lot lower if a person knew self-defense. Get some friends together and go as a group. Practice as a group. Be smart.

8.   Enjoy life before settling down. Get out there and see the world. Travel, learn about different cultures, take up art or a hobby that you think you might enjoy. Once you can be content with your life, you can then make a partner a very happy person. If you are happy, the sky is the limit.

9.   When you are in a relationship, don't try to control it. The only successful relationship is one that is built on compromise, trust and above all RESPECT. Respect for yourself first and then for the other.

10.   Pay attention to your children. If you are going to bring one into the world you owe it to that child to listen and learn and teach them what's right and wrong and how to grow up a well rounded individual.

So there you have it. 10 things that I feel very strongly about and hope to pass it on to others. If even one person learns something from this blog I've done my job. So please read it and tell all your followers about it. All I can say is "Listen to Mom"

I think I'm going to try to get a job at the hospital so I can make money while being there

For anyone that reads Dad's blog, you already know this, but for those that don't, my little sister is in the hopsital.

It was supposed to be a simple gallbladder surgery, which I had done in May. No big deal right? It's an outpatient surgery. She'd be sore for a few days and then hopefully (unlike me) start feeling better.

Yeah, well apparently there was a gallstone the size of a golf ball and they had trouble actually removing the gallbladder. Then a stone or maybe stones passed through her bile duct and caused an obstruction. So, she had to be transported to another hospital for another surgery.

She has a tube coming out her side with a little bag to collect blood. It's gross. And she's very yellow. They are afraid she will have a bowel leak...apparently that little bag would tell them if that should happen.

The last I heard, she is still in surgery. I am closer to the hospital she will be transported back to, so I'm waiting. I'm hoping I can get there before the snow storm they are calling for gets here.

So that's my post for the day. I'll be spending the rest of the day in the hospital fighting Dad for that one very uncomfortable chair and drinking extremely nasty coffee from the vending machine.

Oh...hey I forgot to tell you guys that I can drink coffee again! My first cup since my surgery was a couple weeks ago and oh.my.gosh, it was the best thing ever. Heaven in a cup.

Shit Boyfriend Makes Me Watch vol 3

BF: You like Nicholas Cage?

Me: Love him.

BF: Ok, I've got a movie for us, then.

Nicholas Cage in the 80's, directed by the Coen Brothers, and teamed up with Holly Hunter makes for a pretty great movie. It's a little odd at times, but all in all pretty awesome.

Hi McDunnough (Cage) is a thief and has been in jail numerous times where he meets Ed (Hunter), a police officer. Hi proposed to Ed after learning that she has just been dumped by her former fiance.

They get married and soon want to try for a baby. Well, the discover that Ed cannot have children.

A local famous furniture store owner, Nathan Arizona, and his wife just had quintuplets and the news got to Ed and Hi.

They figured, Hey what the Hell, they have more than they can handle and end up stealing one of the babies.

Two of Hi's friends that he met in jail come to visit after escaping and find out about the baby being that of the rich Nathan Arizona. So, they steal it in hopes of getting ransom money.

But Nathan Arizona has hired a bounty hunter to find the baby, too. Hi and Ed have to race to get the baby back before the bounty hunter does.

This movie is funny and Nicholas Cage is spot on with his not-so-smart character. I definitely recommend.

5 Things That Drive Me Crazy: Winter Edition

Snow-By now, most of you should know that I hate snow. But it’s beautiful, you might say. Yeah, it’s beautiful the first time, second time and even the third time you ever see it. After that, it’s just a huge pain in the ass. Especially when I have to drive in it. And shovel a walkway to my car. And have wet feet everyday because dress shoes (which I have to wear to work) are never insulated.



Illness- It never fails. This is the time of year when I get so sick that I feel like I’m going to die. Whether it is the common cold, the flu, strep throat, bronchitis, or even the stomach flu, I’m down for the count.


The Cold- For the past week it hasn’t been over 20 degrees Fahrenheit here. It is freakin’ cold. My body aches from shivering so much. Not to mention the ice that forms EVERYWHERE due to the below freezing temperatures. I haven’t fallen yet (knock on wood) but I’m sure it’s coming.


Drivers- Everyone in West Virginia should be fully aware that we get snow. Most of the time, a lot of snow. But what you think would be common knowledge, obviously isn’t. Even a light dusting of snow sends everyone into a panic and they drive like idiots.


Fuel Costs- My furnace requires fuel to run. For 100 gallons we had to fork over nearly $400. Chances are we are going to have to get more before winter is over.

 
Happy Friday everyone!

Giggle, Wiggle and Jiggle

Note: Must read as an infomercial announcer.

Welcome to another FABULOUS Thursday here at Jumble Mash. I'm so glad that you have stopped by.

Are you getting into the Christmas spirit yet? Are you tired of hearing me talk about Christmas?

No? Then guess what I have for you! Your VERY own Christmas CD! All you have to do is buy the blank CD, pay to download the music, burn the CD, and then put it in your CD player and enjoy! You cannot beat this bargain. Especially with songs like...

O Holy Night
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
All I want for Christmas is you
Silent Night
Little Drummer Boy

Which must be placed on the CD multiple times because the creators of the ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS CD, the Jumble Mashers, chose the songs more than once! In fact Little Drummer Boy was picked, not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES!

But don't miss out on other favorites like...

Winter Wonderland
Fairytale of New York
I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas (which is also one of this announcer's favorites)
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas
Sleigh Ride
All I want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan
White Christmas
Alive and the Chipmunks Christmas Song
Jingle Bell Rock
Redneck 12 Days of Christmas
Jingle Bells
Ave Maria
Carol of the Bells

All of this can be yours for three easy payments of $67.95. All proceeds go directly to me.

Ahem, ok, I'm back to normal now. Those were all of my commenter's favorite Christmas songs and what a list!! Some I've never heard of until now.

So new poll for the week...

When did you start your Christmas shopping?

Voting only takes a second, but it gives me something to talk about next week, so help me out!

Moving right along...the trivia question this week was If you were to receive all of the gifts in the song "The 12 Days of Christmas," how many gifts would you receive? Danger Boy was the first to answer 78, which I thought was correct, but then Cap'n Kyrie came and broke it down for us like this...

"12 partridges in pear trees.
22 turtle doves
30 french hens
36 calling birds
40 golden rings
42 geese a laying
42 swans a swimming
40 maids a milking
36 ladies dancing
30 lords a leaping
22 pipers piping
12 drummers drumming

Equals 364, I believe."


Because you get the present every freakin' time the song goes back through the numbers.

So they both win. Danger Boy picked the Giggle Button occupant first and Cap'n Kyrie's pick will go on next week. Yay for the winners!

And last but definitely not least...this week I bring to you...

Hakuna Matata

Ingrid is new here and I'm new to her blog, but I absolutely adore it already. And since I have THE best readers in the WHOLE ENTIRE BLOGGING UNIVERSE, I figured you guys would go show her some love.

Wee Bit Wednesday

{one} if you were granted three wishes, what would they be?

This is hard, because my selfless side says I should choose to feed the hungry and what not, but my selfish side says ...1. Have enough money to live on without having to work and make sure my loved ones could do the same. 2. Be truly happy 3. Live and full and adventurous life.

{two} who is your favorite author?

I have many. I really like James Patterson though.

{three} what crowd were you involved in during high school?

Ok there was the popular/jock kids that everyone loved because they could play sports or because they were dating someone that could play sports. Then there was the next group down that were just popular because they were rich. Then  down one more tier were the kids that were popular because they were awesome...that's where I was. Obviously. :)

{four} what is your favorite thing to do when you have time to yourself?

Blog in all honesty. If not blogging, playing video games or reading.

{five} do you have any hidden talents?

I don't think so. My older sister is good at EVERYTHING. And it makes me angry. Anything she tries, she's awesome at it. Me? I can't do much. I play a little music on the bass or guitar, but I wouldn't say its a talent because I kinda suck at it. I do love it though.

{six} can you fake any accents?

No. Actually I don't know that I've really tried. And it would be weird if I tried now because I'm at work. People would look at me funny. I'm sure of that.

{seven} have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper?

Yeah, I won an excellence in writing contest once and they put my picture in the paper.

{eight} have you ever been arrested?

Oh no. Dad would KILL ME.

{nine} what is your favorite job you’ve had?

The one I have now. Pretty much a paralegal for a coal company although I'm still working on getting my Associates Degree. So technically, I'm an Administrative Assistant right now.

{ten} do you have any scars?

Yeah, I have three scars from my gallbladder surgery. One on my arm from a bottle rocket gone rouge. And one on my foot from falling in a ditch when I was drunk.

Do you believe it?!

Someone else asked me to guest post. I am honored.

Please check out I Can Has Catboy? and learn about what a big geek I am :)

Oh and leave nice comments. I know I don't have to ask because you all are amazing, but just in case you forgot.

Is it too much to ask for?

Dear Santa,
   
      This year, I would really like for you make it stop snowing. The only time I'd like to see snow is on Christmas day. Please keep it away from me for the 364 remaining days of the year.

      I would like one year paid leave from work...with bonus. And when I return to work, I would like a raise.

     If you cannot provide me with the year off from work, then I would like a clone to go to work for me. I will stay home in my warm house with my dog and blog all day.
 
     I would like to be the most awesome blogger in the world.  
   
     I would like to eat as many cookies as I wish and my weight not be affected by them whatsoever.

     I would like to own, but not operate, my very own library.

     I would really like to groceries to be free. Or at least cheaper. Like $.50 for a gallon of milk.

     I would like gas to also be a lot cheaper and to be automatically refillable. Just push a button on your car and BAM you have a full tank. The bill is mailed to you. Or not...that would be cool, too.
    
    Oh, yeah, and world peace and feed the hungry and all that. Also, bring our troops home.

Thanks,
Girl that was VERY good this year.


Trivia time!! If you were to receive all of the gifts in the song "The 12 Days of Christmas," how many gifts would you receive?


First to answer chooses who goes on the Giggle Button for a week!
   

What do you MEAN you don't like Christmas music?

Boyfriend and I put up our Christmas tree last weekend. It was my idea because he just doesn't really get into Christmas. Or his birthday. Or any other day for that matter. He's just not an excitable person. I however, will jump up and down and squeal at the mere sight of a Christmas present. Even if its not for me.

Anyways, I sent Boyfriend out to the garage to get the bins. When he came back in, I was blasting Little Drummer Boy and dancing around with my dog.

Boyfriend stopped dead in his tracks and said, “What the Hell is that?”

I looked around. Didn’t see anything weird. Wiped my face thinking something was on it. Nothing. I looked down at the dog. He looked fine. “What is what?”

“That awful music.”

It was my turn to freeze. “You don’t like Christmas music?”

“No.”

“How can you not like Christmas music?”

“It’s usually really depressing.”

“Not all Christmas songs are depressing.”

“Name one.”

“This one.”

“Little Drummer Boy is about a little boy who was too poor to buy Jesus anything and the only thing that he could do was play Jesus a song on the drums.”

“Ok, bad example.” I started to think. I’ll be Home for Christmas. Nope. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Definitely not. Ah...“Rudolph!”

“No one would let him join in any reindeer games. He was sad.”

“The Hippopotamus song.”

“The little girl is NOT going to get a hippo for Christmas. She will be devastated.”

Then I just growled at him. “It doesn’t matter. We have to listen to Christmas music while we put up the tree. It’s a rule.”

“Says who?”

“Me.” I shrugged and started putting our artificial COLOR CODED tree together. Yeah, it’s an awesome tree and I don’t have to water it.

Well, Boyfriend starts going through my Christmas ornaments and becomes extremely happy that everything is blue and silver. Then he found my cute little icicle ornaments. And used every single one of them on the tree. There are more of those ornaments than any other ones. But hey, he was getting into the Christmas spirit, so I let him decorate however he wanted, even though I’m VERY particular about my Christmas tree. Compromise at its best.

So while we were putting on the final touches, I heard him humming to the song that had just come on.

“There! Rocking Around the Christmas Tree! Not depressing!”

He stopped and thought about it for a second. “What if someone can’t afford a Christmas tree to rock around?”

“Oh just stop. Love the Christmas music or don’t talk to me about it.”

Once the tree was complete, Boyfriend took a picture of it and posted it on his Facebook. Christmas spirit was starting to ooze outta him.

Cell phone quality. Gotta love it.

He then hung the stockings. Then he complained that it wasn’t snowing. Then he made hot cocoa for the both of us complete with mini marshmallows. And then he put in The Grinch (Jim Carrey version) and we sat cuddled up on the couch watching it. When the movie was over he said, “I love our Christmas tree.”

Never Ever Have I Ever....

Guest posted.

Until today that is.

The lovely Mynx asked me to guest post and I was THRILLED to accept. And nervous. Very nervous.

Please go check it out.

Pregnant Barbies are creepy.

I was shopping for the little kids in my family the other day and I got to thinking...

What did I used to ask Santa for?

Then I decided to share with you all a few of my Christmas wish list items. The photos are in order of age progression. And I'm sure Dad can even come up with some more because even though he says they were from Santa, I'm pretty sure he bought them.



Anything Barbie. But Especially Barbie's dream house. Speaking of Barbie, remember these...





Preggo Barbie. Had to have one. And if you Google Pregnant Barbie, seriously disturbing images come up. Just saying.



My tomboy stage. Loved anything Matchbox car.



Not really sure when this was big, but I know it was because Macaulay Culkin had one in Home Alone.





Dumbest toy ever. But I just had to have Stretch Armstrong



Before IPods and MP3s. My first ever CD was Celine Dion and I still have it.





Aw, an early birthday present

Talkative Taurus gave me this award! I have no idea what the hell it means, but I LOVE IT. Thank you so much Krissy. You rock. Everyone should go check out her blog. She is fabulous and makes me smile!

I traced the award by a little ways and no one else seems to know what the rules are either so I'm just gonna pass it on to a few Jumble Mashers.

Barb at This and That- Mostly because I love her. Mostly because she is bad ass. And KINDA because she makes me cry sometimes a lot. She is an incredible writer, seriously.

Meg at O is Me- She likes cupcakes. The award has cupcakes on it. It was destiny. Seriously though, Meg is great. She is funny and so darn charming.

Hed at Hed Above Water- Hed is amazing. She writes from her soul. I love that about her.
                                                                                                                                                                
Amy at Life's Journey With a Smile- Amy and I have a ton in common and it never stops surprising me. Her blog is wonderful and she is very dedicated to her readers.

Becca at My Life- I absolutely adore Becca. She is so family oriented and so darn sweet. She also makes every attempt to comment. Seriously, if I log in one day and she hasn't commented, I will call the authorities and fill out a missing persons report.

Friday Ranting- MERRY CHRISTMAS

It’s starting already.


December just reached us on Wednesday and people are already starting to PISS.ME.OFF.

You know what I’m talking about. Those who are offended by the words MERRY CHRISTMAS.

In case anyone forgot, which is easy to do these days, Christmas is a holiday to commemorate the birth of Jesus. We do not celebrate it to piss anyone off. We do not wish you a Merry Christmas to offend anyone. Believe it or not, when we wish you a Merry Christmas, we are trying to be NICE!!!!

I am a Christian. I will say Merry Christmas all I freakin’ want to. If you do not like it...don’t freakin’ come out of your home during the whole month of December.

I REALIZE that Christmas is NOT the only holiday celebrated in December, but I do NOT celebrate any other holidays so I am NOT going to go around saying Happy Holidays just to please some strangers.

If you celebrate Hanukah, then by all means, wish me a Happy Hanukah. I will smile at you and thank you. What is the point of getting offended??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

If you do not like Christ or believe in Christ or what ever...fine. I do not care. I do not harass you about it. I do not try to change the world so that no one can ever say the word ATHEIST or be an atheist. It’s your business. So leave Christmas alone; that’s my business.

Still not ready to let it go? Then wear a big red sticker on your head all year so those of us that go around and so “rudely” wish you a Merry Christmas can all together avoid you. It will be an international symbol. The sticker, without words, will say, “I have nothing better to do so I need something to bitch about. If you wish me a Merry Christmas, I will find you and kill you.”


MERRY CHRISTMAS


P.S. Why are the Christmas colors red and green?

P.P.S. Stop fucking with the Christmas cards that now all say Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings. I want to send cards that say Merry Christmas damn it.

UPDATE: Someone unfollowed me after this. Told ya Merry Christmas was offensive.

Giggle, Wiggle and Jiggle

Another Thursday. Wow. In exactly two weeks I will be 25 years old. Oh and IT.WILL.NOT.STOP.SNOWING!! I really dislike snow.
Anyways...ya'll love Life, huh? Seriously, look...

Boyfriend loves that game. I however am a Monopoly lover! Has anyone played the Monopoly game on XBOX? IT.IS.AWESOME. They also have a game called Family Game Night that has Yahtzee, Life, Mouse Trap, etc. on it. It was pretty cool. Mouse trap kinda sucked, but Life was fun. I would recommend either games to anyone interested.

But speaking of Monopoly...wanna know how much I NEED this?

Really, really, really bad. Just sayin'.

Anyways, instead of doing regular poll this week, I am going to ask you a question that you can answer in the comments section and then I'll reveal the results next week. What's the question, you ask?

What is your favorite Christmas song?

Pirategeek won the Giggle Button trivia by answering What actress holds the record for most Oscars won correctly. The answer...Katherine Hepburn. Go on now. Click the button. I can wait.

Back? Ok good. I missed you. Anyways, would you believe that Canadian Blogger Girl actually knew who came in second? Seriously, she did. Ingrid Bergman.

Oh and don't think I forgot to give you an early present in the form of a blog recommendation :) This week I recommend to you my would be step mother if she weren't already married and also the person whom I swear shares half my brain.

That's right, Jess, I'm talking about you! Jess was the second blogger to ever follow me and the first doesn't blog anymore, so I don't count it anyways. So she has been with me from the beginning. Jess is amazing and ALWAYS makes an effort to    show some love.

Happy Thursday, Jumble Mashers.