Monday, November 29, 2010

A collaboration...

Mynx and I decided to mash our brains together and bring you a little something special. We were passing ideas back and forth and finally came up with a plan to share the contrasts between a new couple and an established couple. Boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. Mynx and Hubby have been married for 18 years.


So please enjoy…New Couple vs. A couple of old farts who haven't killed each other yet (Mynx's words not mine)
JM- On Sunday mornings, Boyfriend and I sleep in as long as we can. Then we get up and have either cereal or pancakes, because well, that’s the only thing we know how to make. Then we watch TV until we decide if we should venture outside. If yes, we go visit friends and family. If no, we stay in our PJ’s all day.

Mynx- Sundays I am usually awake early.  Habit from when the boys are little I think.  Seems the older I get the less sleeping in I get.  Weekends are my turn to grab the paper and make the coffee.  Love lying in bed with the paper.  Hubby gets the inserts and junk advertising, while I claim the main bits.
Usually next out of bed, Big C will stumble out to the living room and become a zombie in front of the TV.  MJ will stir last, time dependent on when his shift at work starts.  Second coffee while I eat some cereal, first load of washing in the machine and plans made for house hunting.

JM- We go on dates a couple times a month. It used to be more, but Boyfriend works a lot now. Our dates consist of dinner and sometimes drinks and/or a movie. Sometimes we skip straight to the drinks. Oh and I get flowers, too!

Mynx- Dates? Lol.  Maybe once every 2 or 3 months, hubby and I might go out for a meal.  Usually a "date" for us will be coffee at Macca's.  Sometimes he even buys it.  On special occasions (or if he has really pissed me off somehow) we will share cheesecake with the coffee.  Used to get flowers at random times with him telling me that he likes to give  them to me when I don't expect them.  , he must think I expect them all the time because for some reason I don't get them much anymore.

JM-If we are apart for more than a day, I go insane. Seriously. Everyone says, “Absence makes the heart ground fonder.” Bullshit. Absence makes me angry.

Mynx-  Although I miss him when he goes away, having the house to myself is absolute bliss.  Do what I want, when I want and no dirty socks or dishes to pick up.
I might bitch and moan about the time he spends involved with Archery, but it gives me space to do stuff for me.  Going away? Bubble bath and chick flicks here I come.

JM- We don’t have “our money.” He has his money and I have mine. As long as he has money to split the bills, I don’t care, nor do I have any say in what he buys. And vice versa.

Mynx-  Always been our money, and I made sure when we got married that the house was in my name too.  Joint bank accounts into which our pay goes into. We have spending money out of the budget to do what we want.  No one really keeps count although I look after the bill paying.  Sometimes I think he believes we have a money tree outside. Of course the less he knows about how much I spend at times the better. 

JM- Silence kills me. If we are sitting in a room together, he must talk to me. About anything.

Mynx- We can sit together for hours not talking.  He isn't a big talker anyway.  Shock horror, I have even messaged him from another room to make the cuppa tea lol.

JM- Since moving in together, the only thing I’ve found that drives me crazy about him is that when he shaves, he leaves the hairs on the sink.

Mynx-What drives me mad about hubby?  His ability to sleep anywhere at anytime.  And his domestic blindness, where he just cant see what needs to be done.  Hairs on the sink? Belly button fluff in the corner of the shower is worse.

JM- Our biggest and most frequent argument is about the amount of time he puts in at work. I hate that he works so much. And mostly for selfish reasons (i.e. I’m bored or lonely)

Mynx- If we argue it is mostly because I feel taken for granted.  We really don't argue much. 

JM- Our first ever conversation was through a text message.We talked on the phone before we ever met.

Mynx- We made small talk at a Rotaract meeting, where I met him.  He was the Membership officer in charge of making new members welcome.  He did his job a little too well with this new member. Our first mobile phone was years away.

JM-Weekend getaways don’t happen often because we are poor, but when they do, we find a dog sitter, pack one suitcase and hit the road.

Mynx- Now that the boys are older, we can get away for a couple of nights.  Once a year or more if we are lucky.  Either a 5 star hotel somewhere in the city or a gorgeous BnB in a wine region.  We love going to outdoor concerts and try to make a weekend of it.  Planning a trip to Perth without the kids next Easter.

JM-  We only make dinner about three times a week. All the other days we either go out to eat, or I’m home by myself and eat junk food for dinner.

Mynx- I do 90% of the cooking and that is usually every night.  Takeaway when i am tired but never more than once per week.  We have eaten out a little more lately because of all the fuss and bother with moving house.

JM: Boyfriend takes out the trash and occasionally does dishes. He cooks when he is home before me, and that's about it. I wash clothes, mop, vacuum, dishes, cook, bath the dog, clean the toilet and shower, and pretty much everything else. It's not that he's lazy or just sits around and watches me do the housework, he just works a lot. If I wait on him to do it, it will never get done. I even cleaned out the garage by myself on Wednesday.
Mynx: Kids do the rubbish and recycling chore and the dishes.  Big C is supposed to do lawns and keep the loo clean (that's part of his pocket money). I only work half days so I do most of the cleaning, 90% of the cooking and all the grocery shopping.  Hubby, well, he tries.  He will bring in the washing off the line, fold it and then leave the piles on the floor for you know who to pick up.  Half job Harry I call him. He will do the dishes even though it is the kids job when I could really use help with the bathroom.  Honestly that man is spoilt rotten and is pretty clueless about what inside jobs need doing.  Outside? Just don't let him near my baby plants when he had a bottle of weed killer in his hands, can't tell the difference between a foot tall thistle and a newly planted pansy.


JM: This is the first Christmas Boyfriend and I will celebrate together. I have no idea what he's getting me. Not one. I haven't even had a birthday since we've been dating, so I don't know what my birthday will be like either. I got him a few surprise gifts for Christmas, but everything else he knows about because he picked them out. For his birthday back in July, I took him to the zoo, then to a comedy club, and we stayed over night in an awesome hotel.
Mynx: I still remember our first Christmas. And my first Christmas gift.  We had been together 6 months and I was hoping for something romantic. I got..wait for it...a street directory. (for young people that is a book we used before we invented GPS units for the car)  I have never let him forget it.  He also quickly learned that appliances especially replacement appliances (replacing old broken ones) are not desired unless specifically asked for.  Last year tho, he really had form.  We share a bank account and I keep track, he knows that.  So my clever hubby usually just withdraws the agreed amount of cash and goes shopping.  Last year, not so smart. Just put it all on eftpos.  So I knew not only how much he spent but where.  (let's just say it was at a shop that you can only buy one type of thing) It was like finding it unwrapped before Christmas. I was devastated. He returned whatever it was. He wont do that again


JM: When Boyfriend and I go shopping, we usually go to the stores I want to go to first. He will NOT hold my purse...ever. It drives me crazy when I'm trying to browse through clothing because WE ALL know women cannot look at clothes without touching them and he will just stand there, empty handed, and not hold my purse! LOL. Then we usually go to the stores he wants to go to and I'll just follow him around while he looks and put in my "Mmm hmms" accordingly. We are both impatient people regularly, but when shopping, for some reason, neither of us mind waiting on the other.
Mynx: JM, you actually ask him to hold your bag? Oh I have never done that.  Perhaps the purchases but my handbag is off limits to all males in this house.  Although that doesn't stop them asking me to carry their crap when we are out.  If I am shopping for clothes, he is a Houdini, "what do you think of this luv?" I will say as I turn around only to find him gone. Usually loitering outside the shop or chatting to some other dragged along husband. Although he does act lot more interested when I shop for underwear for some reason.


JM: Boyfriend and I share a lot of the same hobbies, and we are big geeks. When we have some free time, we play video games, board games, WoW, cards, *cough* Munchkin, Rock Band, etc. I like to blog and boyfriend blogs a little bit, too. We both read a lot (well, not as much as we used to). When we do things apart, I usually go out with my friends to a bar or club. He's not much of a bar person, so I really have no idea what he does when I'm gone.
Mynx: Hobbies are the one area we don't try to share.  We both love our tech stuff and he is currently angling for a new phone (Nokia N8 or something)  He has been involved with stuff like Dog club and scouts and now his current passion is archery.  My hobbies tend to be more home based although I will at times get a gym membership and I am loving my Zumba classes.  I blog and he is oblivious to the blog world. We both like to read but probably don't as often as we should.  Board games still have a place with us. Hobbies give us time to be apart.  I love going to the movies with girlfriends and shopping with my mum.  

You know JM, if anybody asks why we seem to keep together I guess I would say respect and trust.  We allow each other freedom to be ourselves and have time to ourselves.  We try not to sweat the small stuff and work hard at being united when dealing with the kids.  Marriage can be hard work, full of compromise at times.  Hubby quite often drives me insane but we have only ever gone to sleep angry with each other once. We both slept so badly we will never so that again.  Mind there have been many a tear before bedtime as we work through what ever has caused us to argue in the first place.  I accept that he is a clueless male a lot of the time and he accepts that I am a pushy over organizer. Somehow it just works for us.

Sounds like a happy marriage to me, Mynx. I can only hope Boyfriend and I can continue to be happy for years to come! He compromises well, and I believe I do, too, but we still have so much to learn.



27 comments:

The Tame One said...

Everyone who is soon-to-be married should read this. Just for a fact check. I loved it.

Thisisme said...

Really enjoyed reading this post, and looking at the comparisons.
A really good idea, with the two of you doing it together.

steph c said...

What a great post! So interesting, reading your point of view and Mynx's. Makes me think and reflect a bit!

amchornetgirl said...

Wow great idea! Makes me remember what it was like for me and the hubs back in the day...

Jess said...

I've been married for a little over three years now, and we already have some of the characteristics of Mynx's marriage. How funny!

The Empress said...

Thanks for the peak inside your domestic lives. Your post really puts things into perspective for those dreaming that the grass might be greener on the other side. Hugs!

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

Mynx said...

Thanks so much for asking me to do this with you JM. It was a lot of fun and brought back a heap of memories of when hubby and I first got together. :)

Bursts of Bubbles said...

I've been married for 4 years going on 25 and from day 1 its been very much like mynx's life. I complain about him but there are good moments too.

Tress said...

Thank you all so much for the feedback. I had a great time doing this with Mynx and I'm glad you all enjoyed!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Nice job ladies. Really enjoyed it. Respect and trust! Without those 2 things, you have an unhappy marriage/relationship.

lyndylou said...

I'm with Bouncin' Barb. Unfortunately I didn't have that in my marriage so am now single and loving it :-)

livinglife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
livinglife said...

I really enjoyed this! I have been married almost 21 years and my very first Christmas gift was a vacuum. Thank you for bringing back some memories.

becca said...

loved this post especially coming from two different points of view

FreeFlying said...

This was awesome!!!

ANichols.Too said...

I really liked this--great idea!

Dad said...

Have I mentioned that I wish you'd move back home with me? You sound way to grown-up...I'm just saying :-)

hed said...

Best...post...collaboration...ever! I love it! I've only been married two years, but Mynx hits the nail on the head. Great work, ladies!

hed www.hedabovewater.com

bruce said...

i must be getting older or growing up cuz i was much more on board with minx...

usually i am the opposite, in touch with the peter panish nature of things....

but in relationships, i guess i have been in one for long enough that it is comfortable..

bruce

bruce johnson jadip
stupid stuff i see and hear

Mynx said...

Such wonderful comments- Thank you everybody

Tress said...

You all are awesome. I was so glad to see that you liked this. This was the first time I've ever teamed up with someone like this and I was very nervous! LOL.

Thanks again, Mynx. I had tons of fun.

Nicki said...

Loved, Loved, LOVED this post! More please!

Anonymous said...

i enjoy exactly how you receive your level throughout

twilightgazing said...

Finally I have got here, after Mynx told be about the collaboration. And it was definitely worth the wait. Would be interesting to see the comparison of couples in their 30's and 50's too, to see how relationships develop over the decades.

Mrs. Hyde said...

Wow, where the hell was I when you guys did this post? This was an awesome idea.

Anonymous said...

Awesome informazioni, molte grazie allo scrittore dell'articolo. È comprensibile per me ora, l'efficacia e l'importanza è da capogiro. Grazie ancora e buona fortuna!

Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work! Thumbs up, and keep it going!