Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Birthday Surprises! Part 2

Please read Part 1 or you are going to be completely lost. Dad, stop reading now.

It was like an underground sex club. Penises were at every turn.

My friends had no idea what we had just walked into either. None of us had ever been there and they had just heard it was a male strip club. Oh, there was no stripping involved. You don’t have to strip if you’re already naked.

I wanted out of there, but we couldn’t exactly just turn around and walk out. I felt like everyone was staring at us girls. Like we didn't belong. Hello??...girls like naked men too! Except not so many. And not so strange. And not ones who are standing on the bars and tables playing with themselves so they can keep it up.

{Shakes head to rid the memory}

But anyways, we ordered drinks and found a table. As soon as we sat down, a naked man jumped up on our table and started waving his willy around at us. My other friends were smiling politely and even put a few bucks in his socks.

Me? I was cowering in the corner, trying not to look too rude by covering my eyes. Seriously, I was.
I needed to get drunk. Fast.

I started slamming back drinks until I felt a good buzz. I was really trying not to be ungrateful to my friends, but as soon as I saw some guy hand a naked man some money and then the naked man allowed said guy to touch his penis, I was done. I had witnessed something that my innocent eyes should have never seen.

I yanked Hubby by the collar of his shirt to get his full attention. "Get me the hell out of here. Now.”

Everyone jumped up and agreed with me. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one feeling awkward. I’ve seen male strippers before. It was fun. This was not.

So then we drove across town to another club. We passed one other car on the way and by this time it was going on 1:00 A.M. We really didn’t think many people would be out because the weather was so bad. We parked the truck and got out. I was immediately assaulted with a snow ball to the side of the head.

It was on. In downtown D.C., where there should have been lots of people walking around, my seven friends and I had one serious snow ball fight in the middle of the street. We were screaming and falling running around and just acting like a bunch of kids. By the time we were ready to move on, we were soaked and cold.

We walked up a very quiet street that had absolutely no tire tracks until we reached the club. No one was outside waiting. Again, we presumed we were the only dumbasses out in the snow. We paid our cover charge and walked right in.

The place was PACKED. The energy was amazing and we were greeted with smiling faces. Everyone was having so much fun, it was apparent. We were all crammed into a club on a very snowy and cold day and everyone was just there to have a good time.

We danced and drank all night long and it ended up being one of the best nights of my life. We made new friends, danced on the stage, and annoyed the hell out the D.J.

A bachelorette party tried to steal Hubby away from us, but I wouldn't let them. I told them to get their own hot gay guy. I don't know if they ever did or not.

The next morning, we got up and drove around D.C. We were seriously like the only people around. I’ve been to D.C. quite a few times. Usually it’s nearly impossible to walk anywhere because of all the tourists.


Oh look...people! And a dog.
We drove right up to monuments and then got out and took pictures. When I stepped out into the snow it went a little past my knees. I think the snow accumulated to 25 inches that weekend. It apparently set records. Don’t quote me on that, though.
Washington Monument

No clue what monument this is.
It took us almost eight hours to get home. The interstates weren’t even plowed. There were no lanes. We just drove where we thought the road should be.

Hubby trying to fix wipers.
We stopped and helped people who were hung up in the snow. Cars were deserted all over the place. We found one McDonald’s open in the entire 8 hour drive and finally got some food at about 2:00. Our windshield wipers broke halfway home and we found a Wal Mart that was open along the way to get new ones. Even the Wal Mart was deserted.

And...we were all hung over. I think we had to pull over about ten times so at least one of us could throw up.

It was the greatest birthday...ever.



Sunday, Hubby texted me and said, “Birthday is coming up, Wifey! D.C. again?”

My reply? “Hell yes. Just sans the naked male sex club.”

Trivia time! What is Madonna's last name? As always, first to answer gets to choose the Giggle Button occupant!

20 comments:

steph c said...

I can't believe you were (here) in DC for Snowmageddon (learn it, love it). I'm so impressed with you going out in that mess.. I stayed holed up in my apartment! And your friends? Sound amazing. Hope your bday this year is just as good.. minus the penises.

Amy said...

Wow, sounds like an amazing birthday!!! I hope this year it's just as fun minus the scary tube sock penis place - I would SO not be comfortable with that.... and I'm majorly jealous you have a gay husband. I've never been able to find one.

Tress said...

Yeah I really was! It was insane and I love that you call it Snowmageddon. It was really fun, though. I don't think I've ever seen so much snow!

Tress said...

@Amy- I could so hook you up with a gay husband! LOL. Since I have a gay Hubby and Fill in Boyfriend, I have a lot of gay friends. I'm sure one of them need a wifey :)

amchornetgirl said...

Awesome photos! I love snow, but hate cold weather. I know, it doesn't make sense. And I know Madonna's last name, but I'm going to let some one else answer because I read so few blogs...maybe the winner will pick something really awesome for me to discover!

Tress said...

@AMC-I'm the same way! Snow is beautiful but I hate being cold. We will see if anyone answers the trivia question!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Now that's a birthday to remember. Wow. Some party. Loved it too.

StephanieC said...

Awesome that your friends love you so much to do something like that. I envy you.

Sounds like a blast, you got to enjoy the city, and it was a true adventure!!

Oh - Madonna's original last name was Ciccone. I don't think she ever took on Sean Penn or Guy Ritchie's last names.

And Hubby is smokin'.

Tress said...

@Barb-Thanks, Barb! It was a blast!

@Stephanie- Yay you win the trivia!! Email me and let me know who you want on the Giggle Button. Feel free to use your own blog!!
jumblemash@gmail.com

Krissy said...

OMG that sounded like a great time! And what good Samaritans you were to help others who were stuck, except you could have rescued the puppy! :) Glad you had such a good time, and I hope this year is even better for you.

hed said...

Damn damn damn! This was posted right before I went to bed, and if I would have seen the trivia I would have been all over it. But NO, I shut the computer down and got some shut-eye. Doh! Your birthday sounded like a blast, except the weird penises all over part...

hed www.hedabovewater.com

Mynx said...

Maybe I am an innocent but I honestly never thought such places existed. That would have been sooo weird and I really dont think I would have lasted as long as you. Male strippers are fun, as the fun in watching them get their gear off. Dangly bits in your face, not so.
@Amy, gay hubbys are the perfect accessory, I have one myself lol

Nicki said...

O.M.G. A penis club. Ew. EW. EW. Can't get over that "money for touching" thing. GROSS! Ah, well, different strokes for different folks.

OH MY GOD I DID NOT MEAN THAT PUN

Krissy said...

LMAO @ Nicki.. You meant that and you know it! :)

http://talkativetaurus.blogspot.com/

becca said...

sounds like a lovely birthday minus strange club but most definitely ended nice and the photos are beautiful.

Jess said...

That sounds like the best birthday, indeed! I've been to D.C. only once, and I'm trying to talk the hubs into taking me for our anniversary next year!

P.S. I'm SO curious to know if Dad read this, and what his thoughts are on the matter...

Aimee said...

Hopefully your dad listen to you and didnt read this lol. WOW I would have been so uncomfortable at that place too. Im actually better with naked girls and a girl strip club vs a male strip/naked joint.

The second part of the night sounded amazing and how nice to be able to have a silly snowfight with no one around. And to look at all the monuments without the tourist

Tress said...

@Krissy- It really was! And I'm pretty sure the dog was connected to a human, lol. And I kept asking Hubby to stop somewhere so we could get capes but nothing was open!

@Hed- You snooze you lose? lol jk. We really did have a good time...after the penis club.

@Mynx- I didn't either! But they do! Believe me, they do. And I couldn't agree more about it being weird. And that gay hubby's are perfect accessories.

@Nicki- I know, right?! That was the breaking point for me! And LMAO at the pun.

@Krissy- I was thinking the same thing!

@Becca-Thank you very much! It was really a great birthday.

@Jess- I think if Dad read this, he would have commented by now. I'm glad he listened, for once. lol. I hope you get to go to DC again! I love it there!

@Aimee-I've never seen girls strip but I CANNOT imagine it being more uncomfortable than this was. The second part of the night was a blast! Made it all worth it.

Danger Boy said...

Sounds pretty well epic. Everyone should have at least one epic birthday in their life.

Mrs. Hyde said...

You had way more fun in all that snow than I did. I'm about an hour away from D.C. and I was snowed in with FOUR kids. I blame that blizzard for my alcoholism.