With a daiquiri in hand, I reclined my chair and then sat Indian Style so that my dog could sit on the foot rest. He always does this. It's our thing. About a minute later, my dog jumped in surprise and looked at me as if I had just smacked him. We stared at each other for a second and then he jumped again, only this time he jumped off of the chair.
I thought that maybe a bee had stung him, or a wayward flee had bit him. He went to sit on the other side of the living room and just kept watching me. I'm pretty sure he thought that I had done the stinging. I tried to talk to him, but sometimes there is just no reasoning with him. He is very stubborn. (Yes, I do treat my dog like a human.)
Then a couple seconds later I heard what sounded like a cat clawing at my seat. Except we don't have a cat. So then I thought, OMG it's a bug! I jumped out of my seat and joined my dog on the other side of the living room. He looked up at me and I swear he laughed. By this time, my roommates were wondering what the hell was going on, but I didn't have an answer for them, so I just watched the chair and waited for the bug/invisible cat to strike again.
That's when I saw it. Water was slowly dripping from my ceiling onto my recliner. Once I saw what it was, I realized that it hadn't sounded like a cat clawing the chair at all. I put down my strawberry daiquiri, because apparently, they were stronger than I thought. I stood up on the chair and poked the ceiling, because I'm a genius. Water started flowing rapidly down my arm and onto my head. I stood back and watched as the leak became more severe.
My roommate ran and got a mop bucket to collect the water, while my other roommate called the landlord. While we stood there and watched, what had been a leak was quickly turning into a down pour in our living room. The bucket filled up quickly and my poor recliner was pretty much soaked.
Me: Is it raining outside?
Roommate: We are on the bottom floor!!
Me: {Doesn't understand and apparently the expression on my face says as much.}
Roommate: {Rolls her eyes} Just go check the apartment above us.
I ran out the door and up the stairs to the apartment that uses some of our ceiling as a floor. I knocked on the door and waited. No one came, so I knocked some more. And then some more. Then I lay down on the floor and started kicking the door because my fist were tired. Eventually my landlord came up the stairs with a key in his hand. I followed him into the apartment only to find that the kitchen was completely flooded and the sink was still on.
We immediately went to action. Landlord turned the sink off while I started scooping up water....in my hands and then dumping it into the overflowed sink. Because I'm a genius.
Landlord: Just go see if Neighbor is okay!
I waded through the water until I reached the hallway where the water was soaked heavily into the carpet and leaking onto the bathroom floor. I opened the bathroom door fully to find my neighbor sleeping on the toilet. (Now this is where I should tell you that this guy is in his thirties maybe, so I wasn't worried about heart attacks or what not-and was still slightly intoxicated) I covered his junk up with a towel and then started slapping him lightly in the face. I was all, "Neighbor, wake up! You are flooding the whole building!"
He groggily groaned and tried to push me away, but I wasn't about to let it go that easily. So I went into the kitchen and got a bowl of water. Then I marched back into the bathroom and dumped it on him. He jumped right off of that toilet! Cold water never fails waking someone up. I was laughing hysterically. Soaking wet, he looked at me and was like, "Why in the hell are in you in my apartment?"
Me: Please, pull your pants up.
Neighbor: {Looks down and then blushes}
Me: You are flooding the entire building. My recliner and my dog are soaking wet because of you! You left your sink on!
Neighbor: Oh shit!
Then he ran out of the bathroom to see his kitchen. He did exactly what I did. He started scooping up the water with his hands.
Me: Oh, you are drunk, I see.
Neighbor: {Looks at me with an irritated expression}
Me: Hey, I'm not judging. I am feeling pretty drunk myself. Now let's say we clean this water up and then go make some margaritas. Huh?
Landlord: {Shakes his head } I've called my son for help. We will get this water cleaned up soon. Why don't you two go somewhere else?
Neighbor and I looked at each other and shrugged. Then we went downstairs to my apartment and made margaritas, because those daiquiris were just too strong.
P.S. Turns out he was getting ready to do dishes, but decided he should poop first. But he passed out and didn't get to do either.
P.P.S. I think we are going to my lifelong BFF's now. My neighbor and me. If he stops vacuuming his apartment at 1:00 in the morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment