Philosophy. Or Whatever.

I believe that some people should be given the authority to slap the shit out of stupid people. It would make the world a better place.

I believe that Facebook and Myspace cause unnecessary problems in relationships.

I believe that I should be the only one allowed to have a driver's license.

I believe that when someone does something nice for you, they are up to something.

I believe that when I get presents for no reason at all, the gift giver has done something I'm really not going to like.

I believe that people who talk behind your back are afraid of you.

I believe that from now on, when someone complains that I don't visit them, I am going to hand them a map to my house.

I believe that if you interrupt my sleep, you are 100% responsible for the foul mood that you have created and should be on call for whenever I need to yell at someone.

I believe that when someone is mad at you, you should laugh at them for wasted effort, because who really gives a shit?

I believe that everyone who tells you to speak your mind has really innocent thoughts.

I believe that anyone who abuses animals and/or children should be executed by the firing squad. Just saying.

I believe when you buy a brand new car and spend thousands of dollars, you should not have to pay for oil changes.

I believe that my landlord should provide an optional cleaning crew.

I believe that there is a reasonable explanation for this post. I just don't know what it is.